daughter, upbringing, mother, the muslim showA lot of people say that we lack kindness in the world. If only people would be nice to each other, people would live happy. I think we need to analyze what niceness is and what kind of values there are in a good friend to answer this question.

Parents that don`t give you what you want

Children and teens often criticize their parents that they aren`t being nice to them. Maybe because they tell them to do all their homework before they watch television, or always tell them to inform them where they are so they don`t get worried, or to help wash the dishes and other chores in the house. Would they have been nice to them if they let them stay up all night, drink and eat whatever they want, and go to school only if they feel like it? Would these teens become good adults if they have such an upbringing? Actually if the parents give their children a good upbringing the children might dislike it at the moment, but later on in their life, most of them would realize that their parents were right. It is not easy for a child/teen to see the hikmah/reason behind a decision. They must accept it. The parents often put their children’s needs before their own. That is the love they have for their children.

Only Allah knows the Hikmah of a decision

Niceness is not always that you get what you think is good for you. Withholding something can also be niceness, from parents or from Allah. We should always work and strive for the good we want, but sometimes what seem good to us, will maybe not be good to us, so Allah by his Rahma withholds that from us. We complain and stop to pray. Later on in our life, we see the hikmah of that decision and realize that it actually was for the best, even if it did cause us pain for some time. That is why it is important to do your best, but leave the rest to God. If it is Allah`s will you will achieve it, if it isn`t His will, He will give you something better in return if you are patient.

friendsWhat is a good friend ?

Often we choose people with the same hobbies as ours, as our friends. How will we be able to keep a conversation if we don`t have anything in common? First of all, a good friend is the people whom have good universal values. Often we see that the values of people we spend time with rub off on us. If they are decent people, we will learn decent things from them, if they are bad people, we will see some of the same things in us. For example, if your friends know the abc of breaking the rules by encouraging you to break the speed-limit when you are driving, bending tax-rules or other things, that is what you will learn from them. On the contrary if you have friends that goes regularly to the mosque or is learning the Quran, and listen and reads nasheeds, that is how you are going to be as well. Like-minded people find each other. A friend is the one whom will teach and tell you good things, and correct you privately when you are wrong. If he/she is your friend, they will worry about your Akhirah/Hereafter, and invite you to do good deeds, and want to see you in Jannah/Paradise with them.

Can you handle the truth?

Ultimately it boils down to the point that if some people care about you, they will tell you the truth in such a beautiful manner, even if they are correcting you, they are doing it in the best way, because they care. Would you rather they not? Those whom have others that worry for them are succesful people. Be it parents, siblings, spouses or friends. Those who truly value you as a person would want the best for you and guide you to do good deeds. They will tell you the truth in the doses you can take, so that you will be able to handle it, and grow as a person. We all have a responsibility of correcting each other privately in the best manner, so that we don`t discourage or depress people, but rather inspire them to become better people. Niceness is not that other people do as you wish at all times, but it is rather that they do what is right for you, even if you at the moment may dislike it. May Allah give us good friends and make us a good friend to others,  and make us trust the decisions Allah makes for us. May Allah help us help others. Ameen summa ameen.