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When we say or do something hurtful to our spouse, it creates a distance between you two. 
For example
Lying – 5 meters
Harshness – 7 meters
Unloyalty – 10 meters
Unfaithfulness – 100 meters
When we are good to our spouse and do deeds and actions that makes your spouse feel “respected”, “loved” etc, it increases the intensity of the closeness you two share. 
For example
Kiss on the forehead – 5 meters closer
Flowers – 15 meters closer
Warm dinner – 100 meters closer
Undivided attention – 20 meters closer
When we sum up these two meters which bring closer and that which makes distance, if the sum is negative, we have been making more distance from misbehaviour. If the sum is positive, we have done more good behaviour. 
Just like that, we sum up every day, every week every month and year. If both in the marriage continously work on themselves and their relationship, most of the time, they will have a close fulfilling relationship. When both do deeds that bring each other closer, no matter the setbacks, you will overcome it. Because you two have made a good solid foundation. There is never to late to do something special together that wipes out many of the previous mistakes. Make effort to learn your spouse’s “love-languages”, “respect-languages” and “forgiveness-languages”. Just by knowing it, it is 50% done. Now all you two need to do is, speak these languages in deeds. 
Ya Allah, grant every ummati a good marriage. Aamen. Protect every marriage til the end of time. Aamen. 


Although both husbands and wife should learn to express their love so they both feel loved, there is also another quality that can strenghten their bond – being more understanding. 

Both spouses express and feel loved differently based on their gender differences. To help each other and themselves, spouses should programme their mind in understanding how a man expresses love/ how a woman expresses love. In this way, when their spouse expresses something, they can link it up to their emotion and decode their language to help themself understand, what their spouse is saying and what it means. 

Although it would be perfect if a spouse express love the way the other will understand it. It might be a bit overwhelming if we expect the other spouse to express love in a way which he/she might not be comfortable with or feel natural. It is possible to learn it. It would make your own life easier. 

When that is said, spouses must also learn how their spouse feel un-loved based on their gender. Because it is different between a man and a woman. To prevent us from expressing something than can be hurtful for the relationship and decrease love. 

Picture courtesy via Half our deen.

rose, quality muslimah, islam, conduct, knowledge, wisdom, practice Islam, understandI have met so many amazing muslimahs the last 9 years. Women who has so much to offer, yet their resourcefulness is not being utilized. Their lives would have been so much more meaningful, if their family had backed them more. Let me explain more.

The Help They Need

A wife`s first priority after marriage is her husband, and after some time their children. In most asian muslim families, where daughters are brought from back home to the west. It take many years to help them adapt to the society here. Some learn the language easily, while others might never ever be able to pass test to be able to work. Although it is the family`s responsibility that these women are helped through there first years here, many times they do not get the help they need.

First Of All Imagine.

You have a network of family and friends back home. When you come here, you not only have to adapt into a whole new family but also build your own new network. That is not always that easy. Especially for wives, when they often get busy with parenthood, before they are able to learn the language properly. They have to postpone their own dreams in order for the family. I might dare say, many women come back to school, years afterwards, where they tell how much they also wanted to utilize their life for something more meaningful than just stay home with children and the little network they have or might not have. They have dreams to also earn a living, using their resources to earn money and buy things without always thinking of their expenditures. A little more planning and help from the husband could have made their situation easier.

Being A Mother Is Very Giving

Every woman has dreams of her own. Apart from being a mother and a wife. Doing something meaningful that is important to here. Having a social life, friends, network, buying things she need, without always have to ask for permission, or to be able to have women only evenings with her friends. Husband doesn`t realize that if they would support their wife more in achieving her dreams and some sort of independence, she would become a much better wife for him and a better mother for her children. Often times when women get married, they give little precedence to their own needs. Their husband needs come first. Than their children’s needs. Then their in-laws preferences. After a list, at the end their own needs come, if they have any energy or time to spend for themselves. For a mother to give her children to her husband and have a friends dinner out, is if i might dare say, not the reality for many asian wives. Although the husband in the same family, has at least one day a week, he can enjoy with this friends. If not many more. Even though the parenthood is both parents responsebility, often the mothers take the most heaviest burdens. They have a such job, that they never get any time off. It`s a 24/7 on work for their family.

Education Going To Waste

When husbands stop their wifes from getting a job or an education or to work when they have a sound education. They should re-think what they are doing. If and when the parents of a muslimah doctor had thought the same. The wife of these husbands had to meet a male doctor at the hospital for a check up under her pregnancy. Thank god, that some parents encourage their daughters to get a decent education with good values so that they can contribute to the community. We have muslimah doctors, nurses, teachers, dentists, engineers and so on. It is not easy for them to go out of their home and work. Their best hijab is in their home. But yet we must not forget that if every muslimah had thought that, our own muslimah wives, would have had difficulty getting any good help, without meeting their own “tribe”, when they need some sort of help/assistance. We can`t stop these resources from contributing positively for the society, and be so selfish and only think about our own good. Of course that comes first, but we must also try to help others, whom might have more difficult life than ourselves.

Muslimah`s And Islam – The Sunnah Way

Under the time when the prophet Muhammad pbuh had to do hijrah to medina with Abu bakr Siddiq raa, they left makkah and passed by cave thawr. They stayed there for a few days to protect themselves from their enemies. The daughter of Abu Bakr siddiq raa, Asma Bint Abu Bakr, came to them with food-supplies, through difficult roads and facing many dangers. The muslimah sahabi`s have helped Islam not by being passively at home, but by being with the muslims in wars, also fighting the enemies and taking care of those wounded. So you see it is not Islam that oppresses women, it is the illiterate minds. Even knowledgable people can be illiterate for not being able to believe in what is right and haqq. If knowledge opened minds of everyone than the most knowledgable lecturers would have accepted Islam. Not everyone does. Even in the most intelligent people there are many who doesn`t accept what is right for what is right and what is truth for what is truth. I believe that if you as a mailman have managed to find your way to Allah and believe in him and try to enjoin good and forbid evil, you are more intelligent than the lecturer with a phd, that thinks that Islam is not haqq or right. I have learned to calculate people, from how faithful and obedient they are to Islam. Islam doesn`t oppress women. Mostly the wrong culture does. May Allah give all wives help to realize their dream in their life. And make all the muslimah`s resourceful for each other and helping each other prosper. And guide husband to be more supportive of their wife. The sunnah way. Aameen summa aameen.

scale, weigh, deeds, accountableWe are all in a race this month, the race to beat ourselves in doing better deeds each day, make the prayers that are accepted an achieve a better dunya and akhirah on the way. Most of us are. I wanted to share a few points for those whom are striving to improve their ibaadah and do as much good they can.

 

Only To Please Allah

Every action is given reward according to its intention. So if your deeds is not the grandest but the intention of what you are doing is grand, than you can reap great rewards. Similarly, if your deed is great, read 100 voluntary prayers in 1 hour just to beat my friends who only read 90. Your intention was not to solely do the ibaadah for Allah but to do better than others. The important point to understand is that we need to ask Allah to perfect our intentions and our sincerity, Ikhlaas. This is something we all are striving with. One cure can be to hide the good deeds we do, and keep them between us and Allah. On the day of Judgment Three people will be thrown in hell first. They are a martyr, a reciter of Quran, and a wealthy person. When they are asked what their intentions were for doing these deeds, they say to please Allah. Allah whom of course can see their intentions, says that these deeds were rather done to be called courageous for the martyr, the man of knowledge wanted the people to call him a good reciter, and the wealthy wanted to be called generous.

 

They Are Given Signs In Their Life

The heaviest on the scale of deed on Judgement Day is good manners. Our deeds are not going to be counted as of how many they are. But they are being weighed of sincerity, intention and if salah; the khusho. To have these great qualities we have to kill our ego and think less of ourselves and more of Allah and His Greatness. With our every action. We are nothing and Allah is everything. We need to fully understand whom we are doing it for and why. For instance, often people say, you were given that and that blessing because you deserved it. I don`t understand this as the pure truth. If you have a father that is a millionaire. Obviously when you have a lot of wealth you will live wealthy, with expensive things. If this father has a son, who lends his fathers expensive car and goes on a trip with his friends. Showing off that he can buy this car. He is ascribing the car to himself. The same way, if we are breathing right now, it is not because we have done something amazing in the eyes of Allah, that He is giving us these breaths. Allah has given us this life to test us, to see whom are His submissive slaves, that are patient when he withholds and grateful when He gives. Our vehicle, wealth, children, status, spouse, beauty is given from Allah. He wants to know if we will use it for good or bad. Can you say that Hitler deserved the breaths he was given by Allah, even though he killed so many jews? Can you say that Bush deserved his breath although he started a war against innocent people, just because of 9/11. I`m sure no religion justifies killing innocent people in their scriptures. These leaders were given the position they had because Allah was testing them. Allah gives wealth, livestock, beauty in abundance to people who doesn`t believe in Him. This is a test for them. They are given signs throughout their life to help them turn to Allah, some are put astray even more than before others are guided, even though they have failed sometimes.

 

We Are Forgiven Because Of Allah`s Rahma, Not Because Of Our Deeds

On judgement Day there will be two men that are going to be questioned in front of Allah. One of them has used all his life to do good deeds and is very proud of himself. As he is given Jannah, he walks were slowly towards his destination. Meanwhile another person has done wrong deeds all his life, and is sentenced to a life in Hell. This person is running towards hell with speed. So Allah stops both and asks them why they walk as they do. The one with great deeds comes in a discussion and says he deserves Jannah because of his good deeds. So Allah says, ok, lets weigh them. This is a person whom has utilized all his life doing good deeds. When his deeds are weighed they don`t even weigh as much as the blessing of the eyesight of one of his eyes. So he is thrown in Hell because he believed in himself rather than Allah`s Mercy. The other person will be asked why he was running so fast. He will answer that he is so ashamed of himself that he didn`t obey any of Allah’s commandments in Dunya so he thinks for himself that, he will at least obey this command, so he hastened for his punishment in Hell. Because of this Allah forgave him and gave him Jannah. Even our Prophet Muhammad pbuh has said, if it wasn`t for Allah’s rahma on him, even he wouldn`t be forgiven his sins. And he pbuh is the perfect of all people. Where do we stand whom disobey Allah and sometimes obey Him.

 

sitting with poor and fortunate people removes the ego of the heartPraise Can Make Us Forget Our Faults

When shaytan can not make us sin, he makes us waste time or puts self-thoughts in our mind. A man once came to see the Prophet. He wasn`t let in to him at once. Ayesha raa told him pbuh who it was. Prophet Muhammad said: “that is a bad person”. When he came in the Prophet pbuh was even nicer to him than the other people whom are good that he pbuh usually are nice to. So after he had left, the mother of believers, Ayesha raa asked him, why he was so well-treated when he was so bad. He pbuh answered because he could have harmed us by spreading bad stuff about us, through poetry or etc, so to prevent that from happening, he pbuh pleased him by his manners that he went happily. On the contrary there is another hadith that says that those that please other in their face, break their neck, in example make proudness grow in them and therefore destroy their deeds. If we want to praise some people because of their remarkable work, do it in a way that doesn`t make him/her feel proud, but at the same time makes them feel appreciated. When other praise us, it is important that we don`t get blind to what they say either, often it is sugar-coated. If we are sincere to ourselves and evaluate ourselves and know how we really are. Whenever some people praise us, we would actually hate them, because they don`t know us the way we know ourselves. We would rather love those who gently guide us to our faults because then we would find some points that needs improvement. Insight in our own deeds would never allow us to become proud. Knowing that good deeds come from Allah`s guidance and not necessarily because we are worthy of doing them, is also something that helps us keep us humble.

 

Make Dua In A Language You Understand

It is easy to understand that the more you know what you are reciting the more asr it would have on you. If we keep on reading the salah, without comprehending on the translation, we will not be able to build our khusho, concentration in salah. How can our intentions and our sincerity be on top if we don`t understand what we are saying. Making dua in your own language helps and taking baby-steps to understand what surah`s are saying will help also.

 

The Opposite Of Each Other

We have discussed that is not the deed itself but the intention behind it, that matters. One hadith that portrays that in a beautiful way is of a man who comes to a place with his camel and wants to pray. He is looking for something to tie his camel to. He doesn`t find it so he makes it himself, to help other that would need the same at this place. Some time after a man comes and sees this thing in the sand, where other might have tied their camel. He is afraid of it hurting some people if they don`t see it while they are passing it. So to save others for the hurt, he takes it out of the ground. Both are given a good deed for what they did, even though they did the opposite of each other. It is because of their intention for the deed was correct.

 

The Grandest Deed Can Be Rejected

Imagine you want to feed the poor and hungry, but you don`t have that much money. So instead of earning money, you steal from the rich to give to the poor, ala robin hood. Even though the deed is great, and has immense reward in the eyes of Allah, since it is forbidden to steal, you won`t get any reward, but rather bad deeds for it.

 

Few Points To Reap The Reward

  1. Intention for the deed. You are doing this only for Allah to please Him not so that other will praise you or think good of you.
  2. Avoid praising others. It can develop proudness in them.
  3. Sincerity. Our deeds are weighed not counted. It wouldn`t help to read fifty voluntary prayers if you don`t have any concentration in them. Rather read two with full concentration/khusho.
  4. The blessings in our life are from Allah, we are not given them because we deserve them, but because He will test us. The same way we are tested when He takes something away from us or afflicts us in a trial.
  5. Allah likes the repentant sinner more than those that are arrogant because they have done good deeds.
  6. Without Allah`s guidance and we having a heart that accepts guidance, we can become lost at any time.
  7. Understanding the meaning of the words in salah and supplications increases the sincerity and khusho. Being heedless of what we are reciting does the opposite.
  8. Even though the deed is seen as great, if the means of achieving it is haram, you won`t reap any reward, but rather bad deeds.

I`ve seen that there are a lot of asian families that are settled abroad, whom don`t seem to know the importance of learning the language of the country they settle in. Without knowing the language they face a lot of difficulties throughout their lifetime, from upbringing of their kids till when they grow old. Who haven`heard about a kid who has called to the doctor for his parents just because they can`t speak the language. The kids have to act like a grown up helping their parents understand what is said. This has an extremely bad effect on the children. Too much burden is put on their shoulders. They don`t get the chance to be kids when they ARE just kids.

Every person that lives abroad should understand that both the parents should know the language of the country they are earning their living in. Mostly what happens is that the father is out working and the mother is home taking care of the kids. But how can she help them fully without knowing enough about what`s happening outside their home or without knowing how to communicate in norwegian. She wouldn`t be able to help the kids which could lead to giving them a bad start. Which again could hunt them for the rest of their life. The kids needs support and if they won`t find it at home they`ll seek it elsewhere and could easily bump into bad company.

This issue arises mostly in families where they marry someone from Asia whom they bring abroad. Meaning that one of the partner is well established here. On the contrary the parents who came here in the late 1970 have given their children lots and lots of support to help them become a good contributer to the society. More and more of asian girls are taken higher education now. The boys are following but still are a bit behind. Finally most of these young adults are know seeing the benefit of finding a companion also brought in the same country as them, who also have parents that came from Pakistan to Norway. Maybe meaning less hassle, more understanding and supportiveness towards each other and a healthier life for the couple.

The bottom line is don`t hold back the partner in the relationship. Let both of you take the responsibility of being in an companionship. Both of you should stribe to be an active part of this society and become a wonderful parent. For that some basics are needed. And i believe that learning the language has one of the highest ranks on that list 🙂

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My Prayer..

“O Allah, place light in my heart, and on my tongue light, and in my ears light and in my sight light, and above me light, and below me light, and to my right light, and to my left light, and before me light and behind me light. Place in my soul light. Magnify for me light, and amplify for me light. Make for me light and make me a light. O Allah, grant me light, and place light in my nerves, and in my body light and in my blood light and in my hair light and in my skin light.” Ameen

Bukhari and Muslim

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Surah 105 Al Fil

Let not man be intoxicated with power, Or material resourses, They cannot defeat. The purpose of Allah. So Abrahah Ashram Found to his cost. His sacrilegious attack On the holy Fane of Allah brought about His own undoing:what seemed but frail Destroyed his mighty hosts in a day!

The foolproof tip of the day for everyone else!

USE YOUR OWN VOICE TO RAISE YOUR OPINION!

Nasiyat..

(",) My Mum always says that
you should marry someone
who loves you more than you
love him, because that man
would never ever make you cry
or be the reason that your
sheding tears. He would do
anything to always keep you
happy and satisfied (",)

Poetry

(“,) Your heart is mine and mine is yours, and so it`s been since I`ve known love`s true meaning itself, holding each others hand we stand together beneath the lovely sky, gazing towards the same destiny, just U and I (“,)

Naat/hamd-Quote of the moment :)

Saari duniya ke liye dard
se mahmor hain jo..
Ik faqat Rehmat-e-aalam
hi ka seena dekha..

Ye sab tumhara
karam hain Aka
ke baat ab tak
bani hoyi hain..

Ehsas dein toofik dein..
Phir jazbaen Siddiq dein..

Kya ye zarra likhein
Shaan Unki, jin pe
bejhein Salaam
khud Khudai..

Quote of the moment :)

Though we might sometimes
have to struggle through thick
or thin,We will receive each
other’s support to be there to
win..And we will blossom like
this through eternity..
InshaAllah
Ameen summa ameen

Når du er forent med en
du elsker, er det ingenting
du ikke klarer :)

Gode ord skaper tillit.
Gode tanker skaper
Inderlighet. God
giverglede skaper
kjærlighet:)

Mood :)

Content.