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It is annoying sometimes, when muslim leaders tell families, to keep their women at home. It is correct that women has a bigger responsibility when it comes to raising children. But we can’t close our eyes to the society we are co-existing in.
Your Opinion Matters
Number 1. The first matter spouses often have disagreement about, is money. Number 2. If there wouldn’t be any females in different professions, the muslim women would have to go to male doctors, male nurses male teachers, males in kindergarden, males in shops for women and etc. At a time where they need to talk with people of the same gender. Number 3. The most marriages in the west need two salaries to be able to pay for their expenses. Number 4. The wifes’ that stay home for the kids upbringing usually have a small social network. In other words, their need to socialize is not met by only going to the mosque sometimes a month. Number 5. Many muslim men doesn’t pay for the expenses of their wife. They do not fulfill their duty of providing for her and giving her a certain amount every month etc. Number 6. Instead of holding back our women from work because of their hijab, why do we not at least educate muslim men, to treat other muslim women within the boundaries of haya, modesty, lowering gaze, guarding tongue and private parts? Number 7. Help the women in your family to choose profession where they can be an advantage for the community, while also keep their hijab and modesty, and also be safe, where she is. When Muslim women will take an active part in their work, they will be able to influence decisions that affect muslims in their community. They will help build strong communities. The muslim womens opinion matters.
The Patient Can Choose The Gender Of The Doctor
If every family told the women to stay home because of Islam, within a few generations muslim women would have far more trouble in going outside. The places where the female gender is necessary would be male-dominated. That could cause more trouble. I don’t know if anyone have been in Pakistan lately. There is a reason why they have built malls (shops) for females only. Or in a specific timing, only females are allowed to go inside the mall. That means only female workers will attend them. In that way, they do not have unwanted attention that decrease their freedom. And the safety of women is also safeguarded. Imagine, a woman doctor in Norway, can`t choose to only have female patients. She has to treat both genders. Neutrally with haya, of course. If there weren`t any female asian lady doctors, many asian women today, might not be able to get the proper help they needed. In the time of the Prophet pbuh, many sahabi took part in the battles where muslims fought. Sometimes as nurses bandaging the wounded and also as fighting the enemies. It`s in our islamic heritage. The community need more women to take part in building healthy communities. Islam does not dismiss women working. It just want both genders to practice the ethics of Islam at work and school, as at home.
The Beauty Is In The Perfection
I believe Islam is beautiful. I love Islam. Alhamdolillah. But sometimes we have to be a bit practical. Islam is perfect. But the practice of Islam in the ummah, makes it look ugly. A dai (preacher of Islam) once said. There was a time when muslims practised Islam in such a way, people said, look at so- and so- to motivate other muslims. Nowadays the name is often muslim, but the practice is so poor, that when we talk to some people who are interested in learning about Islam, we tell them to learn it from the Quran and sunnah. Go back to the real source. Don’t look at muslims, who doesn’t pray, and lies, and backbites and earn money in a haram manner. Their practice is not islamic. I`m sure many muslims knows families where the whole family has been muslims for at least three generations, yet still neither of the generations is following even the basics of Islam. Yet they call themselves muslims.
Lets Look At The World
In some countries, wagons of the public transport, is different between the genders. To prevent harassment of women. Some countries have been talking about it. In Afghanistan, a woman goes out with niqab and all her body covered. Even the face. Still these women are harassed there. It is because the men aren`t lowering their gazes and practising haya. In india, group-rape of women, and rape in general is widely spread. In egypt, women have their undergarments teared off in the street, by men walking by. It is not enough to keep women at home to protect them from assault. Parents must teach both sons and daughters how to behave within the boundaries of Islam. Haya, hijab, lowering gaze, and less interaction. If these men were taught good values from their childhood, many of them would have had a good character. It`s not enough to name your son as a muslim, if you don`t teach him good values, than it will be your own loss. Remember in many countries, women are wearing hijab, yet are still being harassed. Obviously the men must also lower their gaze and protect their private parts, and practice modesty.
First Look At Your References
Keeping the women at home, to protect them isn`t the answer here. It is the time of internet, YouTube, snapchat, Skype. Filth can be found, in the media, within your home. With free time, and boringness, many people can go astray. Ya Allah, protect us. Aamen. If you don`t teach your children to fear Allah, they can easily get misguided. The reason why such, problems are on the increase is because we think just knowing Islam is enough. That`s completely wrong. Even non-muslims know about Islam. Many times more than many muslims. Yet they don`t accept it in their heart nor do they practise it. We muslims accept the message, but do not live according to it. It is not enough to know that salah is important. Unless you pray the prayers every day, you will not be granted khusho, or the sweetness of salah. That which is the coolness of Hazoor Paak ﷺ and his biggest comfort in hardships. We need a spiritual awakening of the ummah. Where we also are doing the good we know. It`s like when your supervisor is going to hire a new colleague. No one hires a new employ based on what they know. Even if they have a master degree. First they look at their references. Do they have practise from the subjects they have studied. That`s why most people have many difficulties finding their first job. To have that first reference, that will open doors for better opportunities. When we improve on our sprituality we will practice islam also in private, not only in public. The wisdom of Islam comes from practising what you have learned, not just talking about it.
Housewife From Back Home
Many women in arrange marriages, who travel to norway, with their spouse, live at home for the first 10 years of their marriage. In Pakistan still many women are housewifes. Many gain weight. Many sleep the day and wakes after mid-day. No specific routine of day. The social life in Pakistan is better than in Norway. A wife that is married to a pakistani here in norway, often have small social circles, and have to start from scratch, in building network. After these women have stayed home the first ten years of their marriage, raising children, they are often very eager to start an employment. Socialize with other. The children doesn`t need them that much. Their expenses have increased or not paid by their husband. Very little social life at home. Many eagerly start learning the language of their country. In hope of a job. Many health issues from poor diet. These women, most of them, wants to get out more. They have lived the life of being a housewife, in Norway. Their problems are underrated. Few talk about it. Many are also struggling in their marriage.
The Community Need Muslim Women In Many Professions
We can live in a bubble and think that this is what we want. Unless the world is able to offer it, we have to seek insight in the reality of our time today. Keeping women at home, is not the only option. First parents need to educate both genders about ethics of islam. Cultivate in them fear of Allah. Help them choose good friends and good education according to their gender. If you really want to protect your wife from the ill of this community, talk with others about how we can educate men and sons to practice islam also outside the home. Social life in norway is very different from Pakistan, and many wife`s lead a very deppressive life, staying home as housewifes. Help them choose profession where they can utilize their abilities, earn salary, socialize. All this within the boundaries of Islam. All this will help the muslim women increase their quality of life. They will be happier. Active. Learning. Changing. Growing as people. Know more about the society they live in. That is important to raise good obedient children. They can positively influence the development of our community. Ya Allah, help the community succeed in making it easy for muslim women, if they wish, to have an employment where they can use their qualities, while also taking care of all of her duties at home. Aamen
Hazoor Paak pbuh talked about racism in his final khutbah. And till today we are still suffering from rasicm between different ethnicities and different colors within the ummah. Being arab versus ajam.
Nowadays in some countries if an important person give his recomendations about a person for a position in a organisation, he will get employed. In some countries if people pay money to get hired, they get the job, even when other people are more qualified for the position. Hazoor Paak pbuh told his own daughter, Fatma raa, if you want to be granted jannah, don’t rely on your lineage, but be consistent in doing good deeds. Imagine, his telling this to his pbuh own daughter.
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Allah raised the rank of a black slave to stand on what is the most sanctified in Islam, the kaabah, to give a Bilali (raa) adhaan (call to prayer). His ranks were raised. His color didn’t matter, his obedient mattered.
We should not avoid certain people just because they are weird or unusual people. Allah also told Hazoor Paak to not avoid certain companys, just because some of the chiefs, disliked being in their company of the poor and weird. That is what is happening today. People avoid each other because of what others own, and wear. Not realizing that the true person is not mere there outside, but it is their values, conduct, behaviour, character, god-consiousness/god-fearingness.
We have lost such an important part of the sunnah. We have become arrogant (arab). May Allah help us humble ourselves without becoming a dormat. Aameen
Often in life we come to a road that leads to two different places. We don`t know which one to choose. The decision is tough and we are not always familiar with all the pros and cons. That is when we seek advice from people whom has more wisdom and knowledge than us. Someone whom has travelled such a distance, can know about the dangers and the traps of the journey. Likewise when a child becomes an adult and is mature enough to take the responsibility of marriage. They will most often ask their parents for help in choosing a spouse. They have, after all, more experience and wisdom than their children. If the parents are going to find a spouse, it is crucial that they know their daughter`s /son `s wishes and goals. After all they are the one’s life it is about, not their parents wants and preferences.
Level Of Imaan
When the family are informed about a potential spouse, they spend time to find out more about that person through a third-party, the advisors. An important aspect of seeking advice is to know the advisors personally, whether they have the same values as yourself. The advice you receive will depend on the advisors being a practising muslim or a non-practicing muslim. Whatever suits your child. The important point here is to find someone who’s level of imaan is compatible to your childs.
An Eligible Advisor
Parents, when you ask someone for advice about a potential spouse for your child, remember to ask someone whom is known to be just/fair. A just person would only say the truth. A friend would only praise the person. An enemy would only tell negative things. A just person will tell the positive and negative he/she knows, without adding extra spice/sugar to the information. There is no person without some negative qualities. The main thing is that the two individuals add up to each others qualities.
Their Answers Depend On Their Benefit
Your criteria for liking/disliking someone can be different from others. People often look for their own benefit in the matter before they give any advice. These kinds of people are mostly not truthful because they base their answers on their on benefit of the situation and it could change.
Be Just
Advisors beware: today someone is asking you about another muslims daughter. You will be asked from Allah about how you answer. Be just. Today it is someone else`s family, tomorrow it could be someone in your own family. People whom misguide others on purpose, will have a tremendous sanction for it from Allah. May Allah protect the Ummah from seeking advice from people whom aren`t eligible for giving it and help us not accept advice from people whom are not truthful. Aameen.
Having children is a great blessing for parents. To pass on the legacy of Islam to another generation that will live Islam. Often both parents prefer sons over daughters. Mainly because they think that they will be the most supportive because they become providers too. They have forgotten that Prophet Muhammad pbuh`s legacy was passed on by his daughter Fatima raa.
Pray For Piousness
Parents shouldn`t focus on the gender of the child, but rather praying for it to be a good muslim/muslimah. Praying for pious children even before marriage shows that you are responsible and worried about their Hereafter. Instead of competing in numbers or a specific gender, rather be motivated to increase the quality of upbringing. We don`t always know whether a son will be more valuable than a daughter. Allah is going to send tribulations through our sustenance. We will meet both difficulties and ease. Thinking that those who have daughters are less blessed is wrong. Most parents realize later in life that daughters are a greater blessing. Mostly because of their softheartedness and emotional intelligence they take better care of their family/parents, compared to their sons.
Practice Equality In Giving
Often people with children from both genders, prefer the son more than the daughter. Prophet Muhammad pbuh was once sitting with some sahaba when one sahabi`s daughter came and she seated herself beside him. A while after his son came, he kissed him and let him sit on the lap. When the Prophet pbuh saw this he said that we can`t treat our children differently, but they should be treated equally. If you give a gift to one, the gift has to be given the other siblings. If not they will be questioned about that on the Day of Judgement. When Fatima raa visited Prophet Muhammad pbuh, he pbuh would kiss her hand and let her have his pbuh seat. She would return the gesture to him pbuh, when he pbuh visited her. He pbuh was also helpful in the house. Even if times have changes some men doesn`t help as much as they should. Learning about the sunnah might motivate men to do more.
When Allah withholds A Gift
It is Allah whom chooses sons for some and daughter for others. We can`t complain to Him and question His Wisdom behind the decision. Whatever Allah gives us, be grateful in good times and show patience in difficult times. There will be both. The happiest people are those who are content with the little they are blessed with. Being happy with the decree of Allah shows our dependency and trust in Him. He is the one in Control. We can draw a comparison through the lesson where a child is in his mother’s lap and wants to touch the fire. The mother knows that if he touches the fire, he will burn himself. The child doesn`t know that. The mother because of the love for her child, will keep him away from the fire. It is the same with every blessing. Sometimes Allah withholds something from us because He think something can hurt us through it. Other time He withholds to give us a bigger gift or to purify us and raise our status before we are given a gift.
Every Child Is Precious
Be fair to your children and express your love to them often. Make them feel loved, so they are not misled by people. Fill their bucket of confidence. Don`t hesitate to motivate them when they are down, or gently correct them when they need to be advised. Teach them good values to make them a contribute for the Ummah and their community. Through your efforts in their early years they can be a sadqah jariyah for you. Most of all treat them equally. Sibling rivalry can easily be controlled if the parents are fair between them and each child gets quality time alone with parents, so they don`t feel neglected. The other siblings won`t get jealous of the love they are giving. Gently advising them privately is the best way of getting any changes in their behaviour that can be improved for the future.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of the family. When they have the right universal values, so will their offspring too. I guess most of the parents that came to the West were more busy with earning money than Islam. Ma Sha Allah, now we see a lot of their children have become very religious, despite their parents not being the best role-models.
It is very important that we also teach our next generation the right values. For instance, it is very common that in a family with siblings, the daughters have to do most of the chores. I mean, has the Imam at the Mosque ever talked about this? We have to read sunnah and nawafil in the prayers, but what about following the sunnah in our life outside of the prayer. If we don`t teach our kids, mainly young boys that they have to help around in the house, and not leave all the work for the women, what kind of husbands do you think they will turn out to be? We have forgotten a lot of sunnahs. The Prophet (pbuh) was never shy to help around the house. He also mended his own clothes and shoes. Nothing will happen to your status if you give the women in your family a helping hand. Even when your friends and family are around. Are you to shy to follow the sunnah? It is ok when it suits your life, right? If it doesn`t than, never mind. It is very important that we try to think more about what Islam says, rather than what our culture is. There has developed clashes between religion and culture. You decide what will win.
Men have a lot of responsibility and I understand that. Another important aspect they have forgotten is to make sure that the people in their family doesn`t go away from Islam. They should rather make sure that the women in their life come closer to Islam. One thing that is very important is for example the prayers. Don`t just make sure you yourself read it on time, but make sure that your daughter, sister, mother and wife also get a chance to read it with proper concentration without having to hurry because the children are crying or that the dinner will burn. So that they also get a good equal chance to earn those rewards that you now have become so eager to earn. Remind them. Remember you have a responsibility. From character to spirituality, Islam is a way of life.
May Allah help all the men of this Ummah understand the responsibility that is put on their shoulders, and help them in fulfilling it in the best possible way. Ameen summa ameen.
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