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children, upbringing, parents, correctWhile I was walking with dad in the park
The sun was smiling, bright as a spark
The trees were beautiful, birds were singing
The shadows were light, not a shade of dark

There were wonderful trees, big and small
Beautiful trees, short and tall
Colorful, amazing, Allah`s creatures
Subhan Allah, it touched my soul

Among the trees, I saw one that was bent
“Wait dad”, I said rushing over in a sprint
With long, strong rope, I tied the tree
Pull, pull to straighten it up, that was what I meant

Dad watched surprisingly, looking for a while
He tapped my shoulder, with a big wide smile
He said: ” sweet heart this tree has grown old”
It can`t be corrected by you, little crocodile

Things when grown old are hard to change
The habits have hardened, the fuse is short-range
You have to start early to correct any flaws
A late start is always doomed. Not Strange.

The same with kids, you have to start early
They value what they learn, they value things dearly
What they learn young stays with them forever
if neglected when little, their future is curly

-Ahmad Shawqi-

Translated by Dr. Ekram and Mohamed Rida Beshir.

siblings, brother, sister, sur, little brotherHaving children is a great blessing for parents. To pass on the legacy of Islam to another generation that will live Islam. Often both parents prefer sons over daughters. Mainly because they think that they will be the most supportive because they become providers too. They have forgotten that Prophet Muhammad pbuh`s legacy was passed on by his daughter Fatima raa.

 

Pray For Piousness

Parents shouldn`t focus on the gender of the child, but rather praying for it to be a good muslim/muslimah. Praying for pious children even before marriage shows that you are responsible and worried about their Hereafter. Instead of competing in numbers or a specific gender, rather be motivated to increase the quality of upbringing. We don`t always know whether a son will be more valuable than a daughter. Allah is going to send tribulations through our sustenance. We will meet both difficulties and ease. Thinking that those who have daughters are less blessed is wrong. Most parents realize later in life that daughters are a greater blessing. Mostly because of their softheartedness and emotional intelligence they take better care of their family/parents, compared to their sons.

 

Practice Equality In Giving

Often people with children from both genders, prefer the son more than the daughter. Prophet Muhammad pbuh was once sitting with some sahaba when one sahabi`s daughter came and she seated herself beside him. A while after his son came, he kissed him and let him sit on the lap. When the Prophet pbuh saw this he said that we can`t treat our children differently, but they should be treated equally. If you give a gift to one, the gift has to be given the other siblings. If not they will be questioned about that on the Day of Judgement. When Fatima raa visited Prophet Muhammad pbuh, he pbuh would kiss her hand and let her have his pbuh seat. She would return the gesture to him pbuh, when he pbuh visited her. He pbuh was also helpful in the house. Even if times have changes some men doesn`t help as much as they should. Learning about the sunnah might motivate men to do more.

 

When Allah withholds A Gift

It is Allah whom chooses sons for some and daughter for others. We can`t complain to Him and question His Wisdom behind the decision. Whatever Allah gives us, be grateful in good times and show patience in difficult times. There will be both. The happiest people are those who are content with the little they are blessed with. Being happy with the decree of Allah shows our dependency and trust in Him. He is the one in Control. We can draw a comparison through the lesson where a child is in his mother’s lap and wants to touch the fire. The mother knows that if he touches the fire, he will burn himself. The child doesn`t know that. The mother because of the love for her child, will keep him away from the fire. It is the same with every blessing. Sometimes Allah withholds something from us because He think something can hurt us through it. Other time He withholds to give us a bigger gift or to purify us and raise our status before we are given a gift.

 

Every Child Is Precious

Be fair to your children and express your love to them often.  Make them feel loved, so they are not misled by people. Fill their bucket of confidence. Don`t hesitate to motivate them when they are down, or gently correct them when they need to be advised. Teach them good values to make them a contribute for the Ummah and their community. Through your efforts in their early years they can be a sadqah jariyah for you. Most of all treat them equally. Sibling rivalry can easily be controlled if the parents are fair between them and each child gets quality time alone with parents, so they don`t feel neglected. The other siblings won`t get jealous of the love they are giving. Gently advising them privately is the best way of getting any changes in their behaviour that can be improved for the future.

 

daughter, upbringing, mother, the muslim showA lot of people say that we lack kindness in the world. If only people would be nice to each other, people would live happy. I think we need to analyze what niceness is and what kind of values there are in a good friend to answer this question.

Parents that don`t give you what you want

Children and teens often criticize their parents that they aren`t being nice to them. Maybe because they tell them to do all their homework before they watch television, or always tell them to inform them where they are so they don`t get worried, or to help wash the dishes and other chores in the house. Would they have been nice to them if they let them stay up all night, drink and eat whatever they want, and go to school only if they feel like it? Would these teens become good adults if they have such an upbringing? Actually if the parents give their children a good upbringing the children might dislike it at the moment, but later on in their life, most of them would realize that their parents were right. It is not easy for a child/teen to see the hikmah/reason behind a decision. They must accept it. The parents often put their children’s needs before their own. That is the love they have for their children.

Only Allah knows the Hikmah of a decision

Niceness is not always that you get what you think is good for you. Withholding something can also be niceness, from parents or from Allah. We should always work and strive for the good we want, but sometimes what seem good to us, will maybe not be good to us, so Allah by his Rahma withholds that from us. We complain and stop to pray. Later on in our life, we see the hikmah of that decision and realize that it actually was for the best, even if it did cause us pain for some time. That is why it is important to do your best, but leave the rest to God. If it is Allah`s will you will achieve it, if it isn`t His will, He will give you something better in return if you are patient.

friendsWhat is a good friend ?

Often we choose people with the same hobbies as ours, as our friends. How will we be able to keep a conversation if we don`t have anything in common? First of all, a good friend is the people whom have good universal values. Often we see that the values of people we spend time with rub off on us. If they are decent people, we will learn decent things from them, if they are bad people, we will see some of the same things in us. For example, if your friends know the abc of breaking the rules by encouraging you to break the speed-limit when you are driving, bending tax-rules or other things, that is what you will learn from them. On the contrary if you have friends that goes regularly to the mosque or is learning the Quran, and listen and reads nasheeds, that is how you are going to be as well. Like-minded people find each other. A friend is the one whom will teach and tell you good things, and correct you privately when you are wrong. If he/she is your friend, they will worry about your Akhirah/Hereafter, and invite you to do good deeds, and want to see you in Jannah/Paradise with them.

Can you handle the truth?

Ultimately it boils down to the point that if some people care about you, they will tell you the truth in such a beautiful manner, even if they are correcting you, they are doing it in the best way, because they care. Would you rather they not? Those whom have others that worry for them are succesful people. Be it parents, siblings, spouses or friends. Those who truly value you as a person would want the best for you and guide you to do good deeds. They will tell you the truth in the doses you can take, so that you will be able to handle it, and grow as a person. We all have a responsibility of correcting each other privately in the best manner, so that we don`t discourage or depress people, but rather inspire them to become better people. Niceness is not that other people do as you wish at all times, but it is rather that they do what is right for you, even if you at the moment may dislike it. May Allah give us good friends and make us a good friend to others,  and make us trust the decisions Allah makes for us. May Allah help us help others. Ameen summa ameen.

 

188983_10151478508729496_344954689_nYou never know how your positive encouragement can help people. Just because one of the youths you know are misbehaving in any way, it does not imply that they will always be like that. It is our responsibility to look for the good in others and encourage them to improve themselves. Just because a person is having trouble of some kind in their young age is not a hinder for them to later on in their life, become succesful. I`m sure you have heard about a hadith, where our Prophet Muhammad pbuh says: “In the last years before judgement there will be people whom start their life as good people but later become bad people, and some that starts their life as bad people but later get guided from above. We do not know what kind of death a person will have. So it is extremely important that we understand and emphasize when talking to the youth that no matter how much a person messes up, the door to get back to Allah is always open, as long as they are breathing they can change for the better. We should never lose hope.

 

Teacher of Life
Often we see that people give naseeha to youngster in a way that instead of making them better makes them go beyond what is wrong. It is very important that we think well through what we say and how we say it and our body language matches what we are saying. The generations of our parents had different upbringing than us. Most of them were taught good manners even though they didn`t have the most degrees. They had the teacher of life and more respect towards teachers, elders, and knowledgable people like Imams. Now we see that these things are diminishing in our society. For starters we are living in an un-islamic society here in the West. A society that proclaims values that doesn`t match our values. It is a free society where the religion is often seen as something private, and often not allowed to practice in public areas. Like for instance it is forbidden to use niqab in some schools or public areas in some countries in the West.

 

Education about marriage before marriage

We see that our parents marry their children in a very young age without giving them proper education about how a marriage works and how one raises children. We often seen that a lot of young muslim parents living abroad lose their children to the childcare system. Mostly because their way of children’s upbringing collides with the rules in the country they live in. In Norway we see an increasing number of young parents where they have been reported to the childcare, because of this. We are the biggest losers in this, because some of the times, the children that are taken away from their families in an early age, are not taught the values that we stand for.

 

Children mature earlier now

It is very important for the dai`s in today`s society to explain to parents how to give naseeha to youngster. When our parents where kids, their parents told them do this or don`t do that and they listened to them. Nowadays children are more intelligent than at that time. Mostly because of that they are exposed to technology in an early age and the society they live in the west, teach a lot of things very early. To make these kids understand why you can do something and why you can`t is not that easy if you don`t know how to speak to them. Often you have to talk to them with respect. You have to explain why these things are good/bad for them, with real life examples so they can comprehend it. You have to talk with them like you are on the same level. I have read once that when you want to stop your child that is to years old, you should sit down so that you are both at the same height and look into his/her eyes and say what you want to say when you have his fully attention. That is because you want him/her to think like you are on the same level. The same goes to young adults.

 

Give naseeha privately

When you talk with youngsters, talk with the right intention of wanting them to change, without looking down at them. After all it can all be an misunderstanding. We only see through our personal glasses that are made of our values. The youngsters intentions could have been something else. Choose the right timing. Hate the deed, not the person. Give naseeha privately, so you don`t emberass them in front of other family members or their friends or even a stranger. The youth is in such a delicate age when they have to find out about a lot of things, like who they are and what they`re identity is and what they want to do with their life. At the same time all these different kinds of feeling are in them which they have to understand. They are in a very tender age, and need extra care. The last they would need is an adult that looks down on them, is too strict, and tells them what to do without explaining why it is good for them. Last but not least, come with real pointers about how they can stop something or begin with something. Give them the recipe for it from A to Z. Use humour in a way they would understand to catch their attention and use it as a medicine.

 

Conclusion

If you follow these tools, than in sha Allah, you will make a difference in their life. It is very important to understand the people one is giving advice to, rather than being to enthusiastic and give it in the wrong way. It all could boil down to them change for the better or make them even worse than before. It is very important that we are wise in the tools we use. May Allah help us help others. Ameen summa ameen.

when you plan to marry her - jannah“Life-partners should have a faithfulness towards each other that no one can challenge. Whether male or female, or a member of the family, or a person at the work, or at the mosque. In the world outside people will say and do all sorts of things of all sorts of motives; often they try to upset a happy marriage for no other reason than that it is happy – this being a form of destructive jealousy. If you know your partner fully, and know their character, then you should be able to trust implicitly that he/she would not behave in a manner that would let you down, and that if they are accused of having done this, then the accusation is false”. – A good muslim Marriage.

Marriage is not about keeping score, if you hurt me 10 times, I will hurt you 11 times, just to keep the scores right, and get back at you. If you try to get back at your spouse when they are in any way un-kind, than you have missed the point of what marriage really is. It is Allah that is keeping the score. When you are nice to your spouse, it is not your spouse that will give you the reward for that, even he /she might be better towards you. The reward will come from Allah. Even when he /she is acting impossible. If you have sabr, Allah helps and give reward. If it was all about keeping account, than that wouldn`t be called love, but just a silly game.

Marriage is also security, for both. Even if your spouse has in any way been un-kind to you, you don`t use that as an excuse to flirt with others or try to look for other “opportunities”. When you marry someone you commit yourself 100 % to that person only and no one else. No matter what obstacle comes in you way, you will strive together. I think I am talking for the husband and wife when I say that both want this security, and trust. If you don`t have a solid foundation of trust in your commitment, the building will eventually collapse.

Another thing that is quite common is that spouses correct each other in front of other people. That is a big crime, and should be avoided. We know we`re not perfect, no one is. But when you bring out your spouse faults in front of others, that person loses his face in front of others. If you need to correct your spouse do it in private, when you get the chance. That is also the only way you will see any change. Of course, it should not be left unsaid that you are doing it for unselfish reasons and not because you want to bring him/her down. Be polite and to the point without any personal agendas.

Your wife needs to know that he/she can count on you. That even if you are pissed off about something, you won`t misbehave when he/she is not around. You would try to find the best solutions to solve your differences in an Islamic manner.

Let past be past. Don`t ask questions about it. Know that if he/she didn`t love you or choose you for marriage, you wouldn`t be together now. So be confident, that he/she chose you because he/she found something in you.

Both the husband and wife should have enough self-respect that they don`t take crap. If your spouse is behaving unreasonable without any logic reason, make him/her calm, or leave the situation, if you need to calm yourself down, so that you don`t say anything you would regret later. Misunderstandings are inevitable. How you manage them, is what makes your marriage good.

“No husband or wife is perfect, but when a husband shows love and thought for his wife, and act in accordance with the principles of Islam, he will surely earn not only her love and respect, but that of Allah Himself”. – A Muslim Marriage Guide.

intentionThe wonderful thing about Islam is that when oneself starts being more practising you want other to also feel the joy of being a good muslim as well, so you share your stories and your naseeha`s to other in hope that they also find the blessings of being a good muslim. I mean who doesn`t want to get the reward for that? Though there is something that can go very wrong sometimes. I will talk about that here.

Giving naseeha to others isn`t something bad, as long as one has oneself`s niyah in check. Having a personal agenda when giving the naseeha won`t give you any reward at all. First of all you have to be a dai for Allah not for anyone else. Or for making others feel that they are worse than others. I have seen and experienced that some people want to bring out the faults of others and say some bad things about others, and hide behind the saying, “just giving naseeha, don`t take it personal”. They are actually digging their own grave if they don`t have the right intention behind the deed.

Other times some people say things to others in a way that agitates others. I guess if you really want to help others, first have good manners so you say things in the best way so you don`t hurt other people’s feelings by being rude. Lets put it this way. If you know some people have som bad habits, by saying to them you know you have that and that bad habit, you know, that won`t change them. It would rather agitate them and could, may Allah forbid, make them even worse. So instead try to be polite and instead of  just finger-pointing, try your best to come with solutions first.

I have stopped following some people because instead of coming up with solution, they finger point something bad about others, like they have a personal agenda. I don`t think they know the right ways of being a dai or giving naseeha.

I hope that the dai`s out there won`t see this as a personal attack, but rather some views coming from a sister in Islam. Give naseeha in the best manner with the best intention and the best way ever, with solutions to the issue, then know that what you say will make an impact on other people. And first of all become a dai for Allah`s sake not for anyone else.  May Allah reward every dai out there that is doing excellent work. May we learn and apply what we are taught from them and may Allah give us all Paradise in return for it, ameen summa ameen.

Check out and click on site www . Purify Your Gaze . com

https://purifyyourgaze.com/

My Prayer..

“O Allah, place light in my heart, and on my tongue light, and in my ears light and in my sight light, and above me light, and below me light, and to my right light, and to my left light, and before me light and behind me light. Place in my soul light. Magnify for me light, and amplify for me light. Make for me light and make me a light. O Allah, grant me light, and place light in my nerves, and in my body light and in my blood light and in my hair light and in my skin light.” Ameen

Bukhari and Muslim

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Surah 105 Al Fil

Let not man be intoxicated with power, Or material resourses, They cannot defeat. The purpose of Allah. So Abrahah Ashram Found to his cost. His sacrilegious attack On the holy Fane of Allah brought about His own undoing:what seemed but frail Destroyed his mighty hosts in a day!

The foolproof tip of the day for everyone else!

USE YOUR OWN VOICE TO RAISE YOUR OPINION!

Nasiyat..

(",) My Mum always says that
you should marry someone
who loves you more than you
love him, because that man
would never ever make you cry
or be the reason that your
sheding tears. He would do
anything to always keep you
happy and satisfied (",)

Poetry

(“,) Your heart is mine and mine is yours, and so it`s been since I`ve known love`s true meaning itself, holding each others hand we stand together beneath the lovely sky, gazing towards the same destiny, just U and I (“,)

Naat/hamd-Quote of the moment :)

Saari duniya ke liye dard
se mahmor hain jo..
Ik faqat Rehmat-e-aalam
hi ka seena dekha..

Ye sab tumhara
karam hain Aka
ke baat ab tak
bani hoyi hain..

Ehsas dein toofik dein..
Phir jazbaen Siddiq dein..

Kya ye zarra likhein
Shaan Unki, jin pe
bejhein Salaam
khud Khudai..

Quote of the moment :)

Though we might sometimes
have to struggle through thick
or thin,We will receive each
other’s support to be there to
win..And we will blossom like
this through eternity..
InshaAllah
Ameen summa ameen

Når du er forent med en
du elsker, er det ingenting
du ikke klarer :)

Gode ord skaper tillit.
Gode tanker skaper
Inderlighet. God
giverglede skaper
kjærlighet:)

Mood :)

Content.