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Often times many women, also the muslim women, talk about fighting for equality with men. Equality in leadership, in pay, in society, in communities. This thought is not adaptable to Islam. In Islam men and women have different rights and duties. Men and women are incomparable because of their differences.

In-Comparable Differences

In every hospital, there are doctors and nurses. Although both are needed for the treatment of the patients, they both have different responsibilities in their work. We can`t only have doctors in the hospital or only have nurses. Both are needed for the function of the hospital. In an operation of a patient we can easily see that the doctor has more responsibility of the well-being of the patient than the nurses. Both are needed for the patients operations. We can`t equal the pay of the doctor with the nurses or the nurses pay with the janitor. Although these professions are needed, we can only have full equality between professions who have similarities. There can`t be any comparing between different professions. Doctors can compare their pay with other doctors. Nurses can compare their responsibility with other nurses. Janitors can compare their work-load with other janitors. That`s why many skilled workers join union movements. To fight for the rights of their profession. So when it comes to women and men, they also are non-comparable to each other, because of their difference in their function emotionally. biologically, physiologically and psychologically.

The Empathy And Sensitivity Of A Police-Woman

There is a reason why there are more men in some professions than women and vice versa. Often times there are more women working as teachers. There are often more men in the profession of doctors and engineers compared to women. The “incomparability” is the key word. This doesn`t mean that we can`t strengthen the rights of women or men in different professions. No matter how much we facilitate for women / men in some professions, not every profession is made for the majority of women / men. For example no matter how strong a woman police officer might be, when she experience something difficult, because of her natural in-built empathy, her response to the crime scene will be more sensitive. Because women are more sensitive than men. And no matter how caring and gentle a man is, he can can`t replace a mothers love, care and upbringing for her child. It`s just impossible. The role of bearing a child, can`t be given to a man, because it`s given to women by Allah. So in every profession where women work, one time or the other, she will have to take a years leave for her duties as a mother. That is her right and responsibility, and it follows her no matter what profession she chooses. Let`s rather use the resources we have on matters where we can have a positive impact for the community and society. Some professions are tougher and harder than others. It will have an impact on the human that chooses those. For example, police, psychologist, doctor, social worker, child welfare employee, social security employee etc.

Every hijabi girl or woman is struggling with this. How can I feel beautiful, at the same time, win the struggle of perfecting my hijab. Most men look for beauty in a woman. If both men and women were taught how and what beauty actually is, this struggle wouldn`t have been so damaging for the society/community.

Value Real Beauty In Others

Here in Norway, we see a great diversity of hijabi women and girls. Many of them has a zahiri correct hijab. And many also deviate from the whole concept, and fall into the faults of hijab that goes against it`s meaning. When women wear hijab, that attracts attention, they are not honouring it. Make-up, strong colors, camel-hump style, tight clothing, and see-through-fabric. All these matters, make them attractive to other men and boys. If we could teach our girls, what beauty is. And help them to value it in other people. We can help them in this fight. Their hijab is supposed to hide their beauty, not their beauty more prominent.

hijab-for-husband-beauty-for-dunya-or-oppositeHusbands: Re-assure Your Wife Often

Most women doesn`t know what beauty is. They work on their looks, every day. Looking beautiful is not the same as feeling beautiful. If they knew how beautiful good values, good conduct, good character, good manners, integrity is, they would try to increase their effort in cultivating these qualities in them and their children. That is what the sunnah of Hazoor Paak pbuh, has taught us. The right hijab for a woman or girl, wouldn`t have been such a big issue, if the men, those who will become a muslim husband, were also taught, what beauty actually is. The women, adores themselves for their husband. If men would appreciate their wife, when she beautified herself for him, she would probably put more effort in it. If the dear husband, helped their wife feel beautiful, she wouldn`t look for the reassurance other places. Like when she step out of her home. When wives in general doesn`t feel beautiful and aren`t certain about their beauty, they beautify themselves. That would attract attention, to confirm what they want to hear. That they are beautiful. If there husband doesn`t help them find this. They try to find it outside home.

She Always Finds Something Negative About Herself

A right size model, beautiful, can think that she is ugly. Not because she is comparing herself to others. But she is looking for perfection in what she is seeing on the outside. I want no pimples. No fat. Right color of hair. Always wearing make-up. If anyone saw her, they would be amazed by her outer appearance. But her friends knows. She has low self-esteem and confidence. No matter how beautiful she looks, she always find something negative in it. Negative self-talk. If she would instead cut time she spends on her outside for so many hours daily, and instead spend half an hour on building her self-esteem and self-confidence regularly. She would feel beautiful. She would have a positive attitude about herself. Easily forgive. No matter how much weight she will gain, she will think good of herself. She would know her strengths and weaknesses. She would have self-insight about herself, and become self-empovering. If parents helped young girls, and build them up from the inside, no matter how people talked about their appearance, they would be confident within themselves. When people understand how to feel beautiful, they work more on those matters, because it releases positive energy. It`s no more about, I want to look good anymore. It`s about I want to do good deeds, because that makes me feel good. Real beauty is not about those who heart eyes, with their beauty, it`s about those who melt hearts with their good and decent conduct. These people change hearts. They can make a difference.

wife-beautify-yourself-for-your-husband-muslim-showHusbands And Wives Duties And Rights

From the time a girl is young, she is looking forward to one day find a man and get married. Many girls and women want to wear hijab, but are afraid whether that will hinder them from finding a spouse, in their future. This is why it is important for the entire muslim community, in every country, to teach their boys and men, what beauty is. Help them understand the beauty of how good righteous women, can help them achieve great work for Islam, by supporting them in their way for Islam. Male find comfort in their wife, that rejuvenate them to get closer to Allah. Maybe that is why Allah said the best joy for a muslim man, is having a righteous wife. She will help him do good. Comfort him, and motivate him, to do more. In the journey of having a good relationship with her husband, every wife must understand, the necessary of the wife adoring herself for her husband. When she will put some effort in this for her marriage, it will make it easier for the husband, to lower his gaze and keep himself pure. Other women will make less fitnah for her husband, because he is being fulfilled with what he needs, from his wife. This sunnah, is often ignored by many wives. They don`t keep themselves clean in the house. Or beautify themselves only for their husband’s sake. This causes damage to their husbands, whom are really hungered when they step out every day. In the west, when men go outside for work, they can easily get attracted to other females, because of the fitnah of how they beautify themselves. Nowadays, even a muslimah without hijab and with hijab can be a fitnah for a muslim man. When the wifes hungers their husbands, and they meet these sights outside their home, I can understand, what kind of difficulty this must cause for their life. If both the wife and husband, dig in their goodwill towards each other, and starts to do the work they are needed to keep each other fulfilled, many troubles can be minimized or sorted out. And the couple and the family could enjoy a more blessed and barakah full life.

A Summarized List To Remember Always:

1. Help children boys and girls understand the beauty of good conduct, good deeds, helping hands for those less fortunate.
2. Parents build the self-esteem and confidence of their children, boys and girls.
3. Every wife, beautify yourself unconditionally for your husband only
4. Every husband, appreciate your wife unconditionally, shower on her love. When she feels beautiful, she would do more to look beautiful.
5. When every marriage is fulfilling the need of the husband and wife, they will be rejuvenated to do much more. This will help the wife fulfil her duty of hijab, and the husband to lower his gaze when he steps outside. Happy and good parents raise great children.

Protect Your Marriage = Protect Your Community

If we are able to raise children who know what beauty is, and confident about themselves, they will be a positive contributor for both muslim and non-muslim community in your country. There is a reason why some male, men and boys, stand on the corner of many places in most countries, even islamic countries. When every wife and husbands spends time on protecting their marriage, it also protect other marriages. Every man or woman, who has to step outside, and is not fulfilled from the home, will easier fall into fitnah. It doesn`t have to be a affair. It can be media, pictures, programmes etc. These people can cause trouble for other marriages. That is why every married ummati, must fulfil their duties upon their spouse, and not only talk about what rights they have. Ya Allah, protect every marriage, for every ummati til the end of time. Help every spouse fulfil their duties towards their spouse and children. Help us understand what beauty is. How to cultivate the beauty of character in ourself, and our family. Help us correct our shortcomings. Aamen summa aamen.

Picture courtesy : the muslim show.

 

life, thinker, mirror, bonde, dronning, queenTo be able to live a happy life, it is very important for every person to have a good amount of self-esteem within themselves. You have to work with yourself to have a positive balance within you. Whether your male or female. We cannot rely on the sources outside. Others can`t or won`t always cheer us up. We need to nurture our confidence so that it can grow. Of course it gives you a boost that other people think positive thoughts about you. But it won`t last if we don`t feel the same way about ourself. Another point is that people whom have low self-esteem don`t always validate or believe other people`s praise about them. They`re simply to low to feel that there is any good in them.

 

Make a list of achievements on a daily basis

The best way to deal with low self-esteem is to keep a diary of your achievements with you through the whole day. Here you can write three things you have achieved per day, and your mood, by the side of it. For example, today I managed to get an A on the x exam. It made me feel intelligent and I know i earned it because of my hard work the weeks before it. Mood : Smart/Happy/Intelligent/Diligent, etc. By doing this you will slowly start to rebuild confidence.

 

To much ain`t good either

Just like it isn`t good to have low self-esteem, it isn`t seen as a good thing to be over-confident either. We need to be balanced and be in touch with reality.  I know I have done this before, but that doesn`t mean that I will be able to do this. No one likes bragging over-confident people. What attracts others is humility and people whom have their feet planted on the ground. By knowing your potential and the fact that we can all err at sometime, you will be in touch with the real you. We must not blind our vision by always thinking positive, but we must also know the reality, and whether a goal is achievable or not.

 

There is always room for improvement

If you have low self-esteem it is important that you keep writing three positive achievements a day, for about three to five months. After that you can try to come with suggestions on how you can improve yourself. Like for instance, one suggestion a day about how you can improve a certain conduct in yourself. It is very important that you don`t start with this before you have build your self-esteem to a certain extent that you don`t end up with a negative balance. It`s about being positive but at the same time having the insight that there are certain  things I can do better. There is always room for improvement. No one is perfect. Knowing this and keeping it in mind, whenever we fail, would help us to dust of the negativity and at the same time we give ourself chances to improve, with suggestions like, next time I`ll meet that situation like this or that.

 

You can`t stop setbacks, only how you deal with them

The most important thing is that we will have setbacks and things that happen in our lives that can be totally negative a day/week/month. The best thing is that on these rainy days you take out your diary and read the achievements you have been writing for some time. That would boost you enough to bounce back into a positive mood. You will realize that even though I messed up today/this week/this month, I have done a lot of good things that weigh more than these “incidents”. You will find inner strength and feel less dependent on your surrounding, spouse, family to cheer you up.

 

Low self-esteem in spouse

When one of the spouses in a relationship has low self-esteem, believe me, the couple will go through some tough times, until they work on themselves. It can be very difficult to be positive and have a wonderful relationship, if one or both of the spouses is always negative. To turn this around, both should keep a diary of their achievements. If you know your spouse is dealing with this, do not critisize him/her.  Especially not in front of others, be it children, parents or siblings. Also don`t think that this is not a male-issue. This can happen to both genders. What is important is that both are mature enough to see where they lack and being willing to work on it. Sometimes it is hard to be true to your spouse, because you know he/she can be hurt about it. So instead of saying, you do this or that, say lets do this together, both of us. Realization is important, and willing to make a difference. Another thing is that even if you have a positive balance today, doesn`t mean it will always be like that. Negative things can happen at any time. We can never be safe from that. But if we ourselves are strong, we will handle them better in a way that we bounce back to our positive attitude if we have worked on it.

 

You can never be too late for this

The right time is now. You can never be too late/too old/too young. Even if you are in your teens, student, married, single, parent. Know that when you have worked on this for some time you will feel a positive change in how you think, and be able to handle the ups and the downs in your life. Keep a positive track for about 3-5 months and after that start with one thing you can improve about yourself daily. Don`t start with the improvement list to early, before you have a positive account. How much time you need can be individual. You know when your ready for it. The best way to find inner strength is to be your own best friend. Only than you are able to have healthy relationship, be it family, spouse or friends. Your self-esteem will remain and increase regardless of your surrounding. You will become more positive and believe in your own abilities. You will come to know yourself, your strenghts/weaknesses. You will become a better version of yourself. What can be better than that? Try it for a month, and see how it changes your life for the better.

be nice awesomelyWe need reminders like we need air to breath. Sometimes what takes us years to build, someone else in a minute destroys everything. Often because they are jealous. A shaykh once said that even if it takes you years to build something and someone destroys it a matter of second, build anyway. Because in the final reckoning it`s not between you and them but it`s between you and Allah anyway.

So when we remember that we are doing what Allah wants us to do, we might not get any appreciation from the beings in the worlds. Were are looking for the appreciation at the wrong places. For example, Some people are mean to us because the are jealous of something we have. They try to put obstacles in our ways so that we don`t reach our goal. If we are on the right (haqq) they won`t be able to stop us even if they are larger in number or has more power or has more strength. I.e the story about David and Goliath, where David won even though he was smaller in size and strength. The second point is that we will receive our ajr (reward) from Allah when we despite of other people being mean to us, we are nice to them, or don`t let their offences offend us. After all, it is not that we are being nice for the people. We are doing it because Allah has told us to and we will gain our reward from Him, not the people. It doesn`t matter how much mean people we will have to face. What matters is our attitude that we are going to be nice no matter what, because our Prophet (pbuh) has taught us that way, and we are his (pbuh) followers. Lets try it out 😉

strength 1It`s not that easy. But when we understand the meaning behind it, we feel calm and are able to suppress our anger. Remember that when other people talk bad about us, to our face or behind our back they are actually giving us their good deeds. And when they don`t have more good deeds, they will have the burden of our sins. So it`s a win-win situation in being calm. We`ll have to struggle and it is definitely going to be worth it.

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My Prayer..

“O Allah, place light in my heart, and on my tongue light, and in my ears light and in my sight light, and above me light, and below me light, and to my right light, and to my left light, and before me light and behind me light. Place in my soul light. Magnify for me light, and amplify for me light. Make for me light and make me a light. O Allah, grant me light, and place light in my nerves, and in my body light and in my blood light and in my hair light and in my skin light.” Ameen

Bukhari and Muslim

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Surah 105 Al Fil

Let not man be intoxicated with power, Or material resourses, They cannot defeat. The purpose of Allah. So Abrahah Ashram Found to his cost. His sacrilegious attack On the holy Fane of Allah brought about His own undoing:what seemed but frail Destroyed his mighty hosts in a day!

The foolproof tip of the day for everyone else!

USE YOUR OWN VOICE TO RAISE YOUR OPINION!

Nasiyat..

(",) My Mum always says that
you should marry someone
who loves you more than you
love him, because that man
would never ever make you cry
or be the reason that your
sheding tears. He would do
anything to always keep you
happy and satisfied (",)

Poetry

(“,) Your heart is mine and mine is yours, and so it`s been since I`ve known love`s true meaning itself, holding each others hand we stand together beneath the lovely sky, gazing towards the same destiny, just U and I (“,)

Naat/hamd-Quote of the moment :)

Saari duniya ke liye dard
se mahmor hain jo..
Ik faqat Rehmat-e-aalam
hi ka seena dekha..

Ye sab tumhara
karam hain Aka
ke baat ab tak
bani hoyi hain..

Ehsas dein toofik dein..
Phir jazbaen Siddiq dein..

Kya ye zarra likhein
Shaan Unki, jin pe
bejhein Salaam
khud Khudai..

Quote of the moment :)

Though we might sometimes
have to struggle through thick
or thin,We will receive each
other’s support to be there to
win..And we will blossom like
this through eternity..
InshaAllah
Ameen summa ameen

Når du er forent med en
du elsker, er det ingenting
du ikke klarer :)

Gode ord skaper tillit.
Gode tanker skaper
Inderlighet. God
giverglede skaper
kjærlighet:)

Mood :)

Content.