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Often in life we come to a road that leads to two different places. We don`t know which one to choose. The decision is tough and we are not always familiar with all the pros and cons. That is when we seek advice from people whom has more wisdom and knowledge than us. Someone whom has travelled such a distance, can know about the dangers and the traps of the journey. Likewise when a child becomes an adult and is mature enough to take the responsibility of marriage. They will most often ask their parents for help in choosing a spouse. They have, after all, more experience and wisdom than their children. If the parents are going to find a spouse, it is crucial that they know their daughter`s /son `s wishes and goals. After all they are the one’s life it is about, not their parents wants and preferences.
Level Of Imaan
When the family are informed about a potential spouse, they spend time to find out more about that person through a third-party, the advisors. An important aspect of seeking advice is to know the advisors personally, whether they have the same values as yourself. The advice you receive will depend on the advisors being a practising muslim or a non-practicing muslim. Whatever suits your child. The important point here is to find someone who’s level of imaan is compatible to your childs.
An Eligible Advisor
Parents, when you ask someone for advice about a potential spouse for your child, remember to ask someone whom is known to be just/fair. A just person would only say the truth. A friend would only praise the person. An enemy would only tell negative things. A just person will tell the positive and negative he/she knows, without adding extra spice/sugar to the information. There is no person without some negative qualities. The main thing is that the two individuals add up to each others qualities.
Their Answers Depend On Their Benefit
Your criteria for liking/disliking someone can be different from others. People often look for their own benefit in the matter before they give any advice. These kinds of people are mostly not truthful because they base their answers on their on benefit of the situation and it could change.
Be Just
Advisors beware: today someone is asking you about another muslims daughter. You will be asked from Allah about how you answer. Be just. Today it is someone else`s family, tomorrow it could be someone in your own family. People whom misguide others on purpose, will have a tremendous sanction for it from Allah. May Allah protect the Ummah from seeking advice from people whom aren`t eligible for giving it and help us not accept advice from people whom are not truthful. Aameen.
People say that those whom doesn`t have friends is the most poor person that he/she can be. That is true but an even poorer person is the one whom is surrounded by friends who direct her/him to bad deeds. In my opinion it is better to be without any friend than being with the wrong friends that can misguide you.
Mostly young people are often naive and think that if some people want to get to know them, they`ll be the best buddies to them. Yet often, a lot of people make friends because they want something out of the other person. It could be info, it could be a want to hurt them, or it could be something else. We can try to be careful with whom we befriend. Especially on the internet. Even though you “know” the other person, you don`t know their intentions. Don`t be in a hurry to open up about everything that is happening in your life. A good way of telling if they are your true friends, if possible, is to test them to see how reliable they actually are. The worst thing anyone can experience is that someone you thought to be your best friend is actually your enemy. It doesn`t take too long before some people quarrel about something. If they aren`t that mature, they can easily hurt you by sharing your personal information with others to humiliate or ridicule you. Once something bad is shared on social media, everyone knows within hours. It is very hard to undo that. One test to check if someone is true to you, is how they behave when they are angry at you. If they are loyal to you then, they can be a friend to keep. An hadith from muslim says that Prophet Muhammad pbuh says we should not be to kind to our friends and to mean to our enemies, because our enemies can become our friends and our friends can become our enemies.
Although one thing is for sure, if you are on the deen and trying to practice Islam, you are not friendless. Those that love each other for the sake of Allah are those that will be joined under the Throne of Allah on the Day of Judgement. Love for Allah is selfless. You guide and help others not to gain something, but rather for the sake of Allah. If they stop you from doing something bad, it is because they don`t want you to end up in hell. And when they guide you to something good, it is because they want you to join them in Paradise. If and when you have people who love you like this, you will never feel alone or abandoned. No matter where on earth you live, you will feel like you’re a part of a brotherhood/sisterhood that wants you to succeed, not only in dunya but though especially in the akhirah. These friends are priceless. No amount of money, gold or silver can replace them. They are pure and sincere. You can`t find a better friend. Someone whom cares about where you are going to spend your eternity and guides you to achieve it, really cares about you. The hereafter is forever. Wouldn`t you want your home in a place that is forever to be pleasant for you? If you care about you soul, you will. We all know the life on this earth. The difficulties, depressions, misery. Therefore someone whom wants you to live in eternal bliss, can`t be evil. I have yet not found any better friends that those whom guide me to do good and stops me from doing evil. May Allah join us with those we love for the sake of Allah on Judgement Day and in Firdous, and may Allah raise our ranks as much as his rahma is endless. Ameen summa ameen.
The good and bad qualities that are in the generation of parents doesn`t automatically pass on to the next generation. It depends on the way we nurture good behaviour in our children, that matters. Sometimes we fail sometimes we succeed, Allah`s help is necessary.
Age is no obstacle
Just because we didn`t get a fully islamic upbringing, doesn`t mean we can`t do that for our next generation. It depends on what values we have in us right now. We might have come to Islam as adults, but people who are far more elder than us has completed a lot more tasks for Islam. They didn`t let that stop them. We want the best for our generations of children. Just because we didn`t pray that much when we were younger, if we have come back to Islam, we would want the best for the next generation and wan`t to instill in them these qualities as early as possible.
Just because my father smoked cigarettes
Just because your father smoked cigarettes doesn`t automatically mean that you will also fall into the same. If your father did smoke and his health is deteriorating because of it, he wouldn`t want the same to happen to his son. So when he gives you guidance to prevent you from doing it, it is because he knows what it does to you. Often people who have had a un-islamic lifestyle and Allah guides them to Islam, are the best people to give naseeha, because they know how it is to grow up in the “hood”. We can`t throw back comments to them that you yourself didn`t manage to prevent yourself from it, so why should we. You should rather listen to the wisdom they have gained from quitting it. They know the inside story, you might not. Listen to them with an open heart.
If every generations had to start from scratch
People increase in experience by making mistakes. When we have learned from the mistakes that gave us some experience we would like to instill those values in our children from an early age so that they don`t fall into the same traps as we did. If every generation had to invent cars every time they need a vehicle, just because they want to do everything on their own, we might not have had any planes now. If every generation use the experience the generations before has gathered, we will develop that into something better as time passes. Every generation doesn`t have to start from scratch. We can try to build our life on others experience so that we can prosper and succeed as time passes. May Allah help us. Ameen
Every change starts with one person having an idea. He shares the idea with likeminded people, they develop it into something amazing and make a change. Either if it is in their personal, proffessional or business life, that is what it takes. One person whom believes in himself and loved ones that believes in his ideas, determination to give it all he`s got.
Believe in yourself
We have to believe in the fact that one person can make a change. If he starts with himself and with the help of Allah what is it that a person can`t do? People who accomplishes great business or somewhat success in work or personal life are those that are stubborn enough to not let any setback let them give up. They try a different approach every time they fall, which brings them one step nearer to their goal.
Experience comes from making mistakes
We learn by experience from making mistakes and that experience over time develops into wisdom. When we have somewhat wisdom, we know how to handle a situation and are better equipped to handle the circumstances in our life no matter how difficult they may seem. That is why we shouldn`t curse the fall or the setback, because it can actually be the reason why we succeed in something later in life.
Believe in your ideas
Yes we have to believe in our ideas, but at the same time, don`t start flying whenever you come up with something new. Sometimes it is quite important to do the necessary research if some other person is already working on a improwed version of what you came up with. It`s important that we calculate whether we have competition and the chances for us to succeed instead of them.
The world may not be ready for it
Another thing is that we can have a great idea which in itself can be brilliant for a great group of people. But maybe those people aren`t ready to accept it yet. Like we all have heard about a lot of people who where not succesful in their lifetime. Though after their death, their ideas were apppreciated and people further developed them into something amazing and they become known for it.
Hard work pays off
Nothing comes easy in life. We have to work hard to succeed. There is no shortcut to success, everyone has to take the stairs, one step at a time. As long as we don`t let setbacks decrease our determination and work hard for what we believe in, there is a big chance for success. Though we should also know that people whom are succesful are also envied by others whom aren`t as blessed as them. So we should try to not share all our victories with everyone. There might be someone there whom would love to do anything to be in our place. Make supplication and believe that Allah is the only One whom can make it easy for you. May Allah help and bless everyone. Ameen summa ameen.
We are all special in our own unique way. We have different shapes and sizes and colors but from the inside we are alike. You cannot find one person that doesn`t have red blood in them. But you can find a lot of people whom doesn`t have a heart. Or a heart that is placed on the wrong places. I`m sure each and every one of us has experienced being discriminated in their life in one way or the other. The natives in each country could often experience less bullying because they fit into the culture as in how everything is. Often the unfortunate ones are those that are different, in some way, either by ethnicity, religion, color, size or something similar.
If you have experienced bully`s in your life, i just want to say one thing to you: You Are Special! ❤ In every way we, are all different, and have those qualities in us that makes us unique, because there won`t be any person like you. You are rare and precious. Just because you are an outsider in the crowd doesn`t mean anything. You see, what is normal to one person can be far from normal to another person. Who decides what is normal? Is it our culture? Well then what about those that practice their religion? Are they not normal? Or just because someone has another complexion than the majority, they are not worthy people? No matter what these bullies makes us believe, every life is precious and most importantly worthy of having a blessed life. There may be people who are mean today, but they weren`t born like that. It was their environment that made them like that. Their upbringing and the beliefs of their parents, spouse, friends and colleagues has shaped them into the beings they are today.
Just because you don`t fit in the environment you are living in today, doesn`t mean that you are ab-normal. It means you are special, like all us. Let not another person have this power over you that he / she says otherwise. Sometimes people are bullies in their homes, schools, work , between friends and in the market. What amazes me about this is that, there is always a crowd that is seeing the bullying, yet a very few people intervene to stop and protect and help the bullied person. They are rather enjoying fight. Just listen to this lecture and you will understand what i say.
It is so important that we care for other human beings. Just because it`s not You today, doesn`t mean that you should stop caring. Tomorrow it could be someone you know or maybe someone in your family. If you don`t stick up against the oppressor, you could be the oppressed another time, and won`t you prefer that someone would help you then? We need more caring people in this world. The children just as much as the adults. Were not going to be able to stop this unless we are brave and stand behind the oppressed. So tell me, are you with the oppressor or with the oppressed?
We often hear talk about people and forgiveness, but seldom hear people talk about forgiving themselves. We all need that. I can talk about each and every that has done something in their life that they later on did regret. It is important that we are able to also forgive ourselves for the faults we have done in the past. And don`t go on being depressed about that.
Each and every has one time or the other been regretful of something in their life. It is important that we are able to set our mind to understand that if it wouldn`t have been for all the ups and downs we have experienced throughout our life we would maybe not have been where we are right now. If you love where you are today, be thankful for everything that has happened in your life until today. Every bad experience give us wisdom in how we are to behave in the future. It shapes us in these beings we are and have become. So be grateful for that.
Every decision we make directs us to our destiny. If it`s meant to happen no one in this world can stop it. If it`s meant for someone else no one can keep it for you. Simply do your best and trust Allah and everything will happen for the best in sha Allah.
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