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An attachment can be positive and it can be negative. Like a child is attached to his parents until he is independent. This is a natural attachment that we must go through. Like a nest. The baby birds learn to fly from their parents, and one day they leave their parents nest.
The tricky part is when the attachment become negative to abusive. Like in the start of a friendship everyone seems good and nice. After a while you can see similarities of mental abusive and controlling behaviour. This often happens to people who are not able to understand how they need to respect themselves. So they tolerate disrespect from others. Other times, the “friends” doing the abuse tear down their selfesteem and confidence with their negative behaviour and remarks, that they are not able to protect themselves.
The most important point is to learn your own value, and never let anyone devalue you. If they attempt to ridicule/ harass/ threatening/ demean or any other negative behaviour, you have to stop letting them into your life. Avoid them.
Don’t let them manipulate you to think you can’t become succesful without them. Your success is not tied to one person. Our success comes from Allah. Bad influence is never welcome. At least not if you can’t protect yourself from the bad qualities of those people.
This kinds of freindships are seen more in the internet world. It becomes a bad attachment when you miss them, when they’re not around. Like when a bad friend is with you, he / she treats you in a wrong way. The day he/she doesn’t come, you forget the negative treatment and miss the “company”. It’s not good for us to be around people that drag us down to bottom, everytime we meet them. Good people encourage others. Say good stuff. Gently and privately change the negative they see in you. They empover you. Anything else can not be tolerated.
We must get rid of the bad influence in our life by making boundaries, people do not cross. If they try, first attempt: warning, second attempt: out. When we let other walkover our boundaries, they can become more cruel.
The shephards has to protect who is under their responsebility, if they are not able to protect themselves. And every shephards will be questioned about their responsebility. If they do good, it is a way to earn immense reward. Responsability is mostly given to those who can fulfil it. If unnessasary mistakes are common. Their deeds can make their afterlife miserable. That is the greatest misery of all time. May Allah protect us. Help us diligently fulfil our duties towards those we are responsible for. And grant us wisdom to protect ourself and our loved ones from bad influence forever. Ya Allah, make us of those who have the courage of stopping the hands of the oppressors, when and if they harm us or our loved ones. Aameen ya rab.
The majority of people condemn those who hijack planes/buildings/stores. And believe that the hijackers are wrongdoers. When it comes to hijacking a religion (Islam), people instantly believe that they are believers of that religion (Islam) they are hijacking. When that is far from the truth.
We Can’t Expect People To Know This
People can’t see a hijacker as a hijacker maybe because they have little knowledge of what Islam is. It maybe that the media often say that the hijackers are muslims. Even when there is consensus amongst muslim learned men worldwide that they are not muslims. If a person with no medical education opens a medical office and starts treatment of patients. If the patients have some education and experience from the field, they’ll probably soon see, that this person has no understanding of how to treat patients. If he gets controlled by the authorities because of complaints, the first the authorities will check is his education papers. If they find out that the university doesn’t exist or that the papers are fake, he would be jailed for fraud. In every field we have groups of people who know their field inside out. Accepting expert advice from a non-expert is foolishness. No matter how much this doctor claims to this profession, no other doctor will agree that he is from their profession. From a real doctors perspective, he would want the authorities to stop his medical office because his destroying the reputation and reliability of his profession.
Does The Media Distort Information?
In other words, the media is listening to what the hijackers claims (whom may not have any formal education). Instead of our learned men who have decades of knowledge and practice of Islam. In other words the media’s source reliability is down to zero. If they wanted the truth to be known they’d not think twice, but asked the professionals in the subject. And easily be able to ascertain a fraudster from the real believing men. The Media are putting their ethics at stake by not doing this. Their intentions need to be evaluated. That is why for an ordinary person it is very important to know the anchors in the tv-channel before they believe everything they say. Some people have no shame. They can lie to your face without any bad feelings. They’ve over-ruled their own ethics so many times, that it doesn’t even make them feel bad. While a true believer, even when he/she knows he/she is on the right path, if and when someone claim something else, he/she would instantly check if he/she did the right action. The real true ones, they’d probably believe the false claimers and start working on themselves. It’s like two people coming home from a friday Khutbah (source muslim show). One is a true believer and the other is a hypocrite. When the family of the true believer asks how the khutbah (friday sermon at the mosque) was, the true believer would say; “I’m doomed. I have so many faults, the Imam talked about today. How will I manage to prosper? When the family of the hypocrite asks about the khutbah he is happy. The khutbah didn’t make him evaluate himself, and he thinks it went well. When anyone doesn’t even have a heart to stop oneself from lying on national television with millions of viewers, how can we not say that their hearts have gone black from continuous sinning. And now they do not feel bad about it. No conscience. And their hearts have stopped questioning themselves. May Allah help and guide all professions to live up to the perfect qualities according to their professions. Aamen
Many people often neglect children’s need to be seen and heard and valued for who they are, where their abilities are appreciated regardless of their siblings or friends achievements. A childs joy, when their parents listen attentively, and value all the siblings individually, when they are together as a family, is important. Often we wonder why some adults are so quiet and not into talking that much. When they grow up amongst many siblings, where some are very dominating, it is obvious that other doesn`t get that much chance to blossom or show their abilities. It could lead to they not cultivate their talents as much as their potential. People in general grow better in the right environment. Since everyone has different needs, we grow the best in different places. Seeing your child as the individual he/she is and value them for who they are, without comparison to other, is important.
Undiscovered Potential
Sitting at the dinner table with the family, and giving everyone chance to respond and talk to the family, is must, no matter how old they are, because their opinions need to be valued, to make them feel that they also have important opinions. Who hasn`t heard a toddler or a young child say something that is beyond his/her age. By excluding some children from the conversations, we can damage their self-esteem, and prevent them from believing in themselves. The saying “ghar ki murghi daal barabar”, is quite funny and accurate to prove the point. People outside of the family, sees so much potential in a child, while within the family, he/she can be neglected.
Values Are More Important Than Education
Our parents might have had this way of raising us. If we havent learned from their mistakes, we have not learned anything worthwhile. What can be more important than moulding our next generation into beautiful/giving people with good values who has the confidence to stand for what they believe in. I`m sure if we ask our friends all of them has something to point out about how they got raised by their parents. Good solid education won`t do any good for anyone, if the conduct, character, morals, manners, self-esteem etc are not cultivated and sound.
When You Are On Right, You Will Be Rewarded
Teaching children that nothing comes in this world without hard work. There is no elevator to success, everyone has to take the stairs, one step at a time, as long as you work hard and abide by the rules, you are a winner, no matter the outcome. Even if others doesn`t value your efforts know that Allah sees your struggles and will reward you, in this life and next. A good environment starts at home and as the child grows older other places like kindergarten, school, college, work and friends will have an impact on them. If we don`t cheer our children for their achievements, no matter how small, they will find someone who does. And that someone isn`t necessarily a good influence on them. For them to have a solid confidence to say no to bad things, they must have a good dose of self-esteem and confidence, that is taught from their early years. When children realize that Allah will reward, they will turn to Him, instead of other people for validation. Help them see the beauty in their conduct and character not their appearance. Having a rich character, makes one feel good. The only way to feel good is to know that you are doing something right, and having trust that you will be rewarded for it by Allah.
See, Hear And Value Your Children
Treat them as individuals. Cheering them for having good conduct, character, and filling their bucket of esteem and confidence, and cultivating good values in them, will help them in all their struggles in life. Helping them believe in themselves will make it easier for them to cope with challenges. There is no bigger favour a parent can do for his/her child. Being fair so that no one is excluded and everyone gets a fair chance to speak, is important. It proclaims a message of equality. We need to be fair when some of the children are more dominating. When we teach children to listen to each other, they will of course do that. Growing up in an environment where we can`t express our views without fear of being ridiculed by other siblings, is damaging. The parents can make rules for a healthy conversation/discussion at home and make sure that they are also followed. Since the parents are the shepherds of the family, they need to make sure that their children are under good care and that their individual needs are filled and they are given space where they grow best. They will be questioned about their care, from Allah.
The people we interact with influence us according to their values. Even if they aren`t our closest friends, their values can rub off on us. Some people say we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. Be it at home, work, university etc. We can`t choose the people who are in our family, but we can choose whom we will befriend. Even if we have to work or study with people who are very different from us, we don`t have to let their differences affect our values. To be able to do that we have to have control over ourself with understanding and believing in our goals and be determined that we are going to make it, no matter how difficult the road might seem. Guidance comes from Allah. He is the only One whom guides us. We should always supplicate to him to ask for the straight path of guidance with a heart that accept guidance as well. Without His Help we are indeed lost. As long as we rely only on Him we can`t be lost. When we start to rely on ourself and our abilities, He will send us a difficulty to teach us who is in charge. If we have any ability to do anything it is merely because of His Love. He can take away whatever He has blessed us with. So it remains to practice patience and gratefulness side by side, and turn to Him always, every day, as often as possible.
It Is Better To Die Than To Be Disobedient To Allah
Who hasn`t had some friends with different set of values that has influenced them without thinking of the consequences of it being harmful for ourself. When we are practising muslims, doing the right thing might be hard, but it will be the only way. Your choice will be between: 1. Doing the right and 2. Doing the right thing. Even and despite the road being packed with difficulties. When we are so strict with ourself, we won`t allow ourself to fall into sin, and if and when we do, and yes it is inevitable, we would feel that dying is better than being disobedient to Allah. His true slaves turn to Him whenever they fail.
Leave The Place
To be able to control our desires and our emotions we need to be in control of our heart. When we keep on doing sins, it`s sickness is increased. It can only be healed by listening to Quran and doing good deeds, keeping wudhu, avoiding bad company, and avoiding sin. When our heart has come a bit on the way to becoming healthy, it won`t even like the places that leads to sin. If we ourself are struggling it is difficult for us to help others. When we are strong, we can face the fitna/tribulations that would be in such a place. We can`t save others before we save ourself.
A bad Friend Is Worse Than Shaytan
We need to be aware of our worth. When we know something is bad for us, we can`t be persistent in it. For example, a friend of yours ask you to jump off a mountain. Every sane person knows that you`ll die or break a lot of bones in your body, from the fall. Never mind that, he`s my best friend, how can I not do what he said, he knows me so well, and what would help me, right? The same goes for sinning. We need to stand up for Islam and be able to say “no”, and not follow a bad advice that will harm our Hereafter. Even if our so-called friends is cheering us to do it. We know that it`s not right, so we abstain. There is a saying in urdu that when one in a group of people is wrong, all the others will guide him to become good but what will the people do when most of the people in the group are wrong and only one is right. Avoid. It is like a group of young boys that just got their driving license. They are not perfect drivers but has got permission to drive. That means they need to be extra careful to not break any rules. The rules are new to them and they need to be familiar with them to know how to drive correctly. If one of them cheers the driver to overspeed, they have only themselves to blame if they they come in an accident. Even those that doesn`t practice Islam knows that when we sin, we are going in the direction of Hell-fire, if we don`t repent and make amends. If we still wan`t do be persistent in going on that way, when we know the consequences, we are indeed stupid. That is why I believe in the saying of some elders that a bad friend is worse than shaytan, because shaytan only whispers to you, but that friend, he takes you to that place of sinning and doesn`t stop until you have sinned, so that you become like him. And then he can say, “Way to go, yeah I can see, you are a muslim”. The only goal of a bad friend is to make you just as bad as him.
In Good And Bad Always Turn To Allah
Bottom line. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. The more a person want to sin, the more Allah loves him, when he is able to abstain from it. Don`t rely on yourself or others. Rely only on Allah. People are sometimes good to you and sometimes bad, mostly according to what you benefit them with. Don`t lose your focus. Keep yourself determined to go to Paradise. And be aware that the way to Paradise is a road that is packed with difficulties. Though as long as we are persistent, we can find blessings in the difficulties. Whatever good or bad happens, always turn to Allah. Allah is in charge, He is the one Who has made the rules and regulations. He decides how matters are and how we can respond, out of His Wisdom. We don`t know as much as a grain according to Allah Who knows All that is in the Universe. How can we for one minute think that we know better than Him. It is plain impossible. When he asks us to abstain from something, even if we in our minds are not able to understand the wisdom, we have to trust in Him. He made us and know what is good for us. Only the maker of a vehicle, knows what is good and bad for it. Similarly, it is by Allah`s command that we are here in this world, so we must rely on the fact that he knows best what He wants for us. Accordingly He knows best how to handle our heart, and how to keep it away from all kinds of diseases. People wonder why some believers are in tension most of the time. How can they relax before they enter Paradise? The day they enter Paradise, with those they love, they will be content and rejoice over the fact that they made it to their goal. Sinning takes them further away from their goal, and being obedient makes them closer to their goal. May Allah preserve us, guide us and give us a heart that accept guidance, give us righteous company, and give us strong imaan and will to do what is right according to Islam and make it easy for us to follow Him. Aameen summa aameen.
You have probably read on FB the saying that the time before us people were told to look at muslims when they wanted to know what Islam was. Nowadays we say to people that they should rather look at the practice of the muslims for 1400 years ago, because today muslims have mixed Islam with culture. There is lack of knowledge about Islam that result in people following cultural traditions instead of their religion. Most of the time they just don`t know better. Often there are traditions in todays muslims culture that come from their ancestors which make people deviate from the true Islam and it`s teaching.
Study Islam Not The Muslims
It is very important that we explain to people whom are interested in Islam, that they should study it themselves instead of learning from looking at muslims. Just because a country is made on the name Islam, does not directly imply that they are practising muslims. A lot of people get very confused when women from a muslim country don`t wear a proper hijab and see to their amazement that a convert is using a proper, modest hijab. You can say a hundred times with your voice that you are a muslim, though it doesn`t mean a thing if it doesn`t show through your conduct.
Danger Of Being Misled
Everytime a new generation of muslims are born and they are not taught about the true teachings of Islam from the start, they are in danger of being misled by different people. When the parents don`t have enough insight or practice of their deen, how will they be able to teach islamic manners and conduct to their offspring?
Spreading False Information
We often see that some muslims that have deviated from the path are spreading false information about Islam, and trying to make it look bad, with the stories from their life. How they were forced to wear hijab or not allowed certain things. The non-muslims believe them, because they are telling them things about Islam that support their views about it. So they help them promote things like homosexuality in Islam or hijab is not that important, or mix gender gatherings are ok. All of these are misconceptions that deviate from the true teachings of Islam. What media and their promoters have to understand is that most of these people are disliked in the muslim community.
A Beautiful Face Catch Your Attention
Some of the people whom have deviated from Islam says that the hijab oppresses the women. Little do they think about the fact that hijab can be found in the world in different things: the earth has an ozone layer, every fruit has a layer to protect it from getting damaged, pearls are surrounded by a shell and so the list goes on. Where are your ethics. Is it more correct for a woman to show her body to strange men and call it freedom, or is it more correct for a woman to wear modest clothes that doesn`t allow other people to stare at her for the wrong intentions. Would you rather want a husband that want your body or a husband that want you because of you good conduct and character and your obedience to your Lord? The minute your body turns old, your husband is out the door, because he found someone else that is young and beautiful. A beautiful face can catch your attention, but it won`t be able to keep the heart. Good manners, kindness and decent conduct is what impresses the heart.
Times Of Ignorance Is Misleading The Ummah
Some people think that Islam is such a violent religion and that it oppress women. That is because a lot of ayats from different surah in Quran are taken out of their context and spread in the media. It has been said that in Islam it is allowed for men to beat women. That is partly correct. When the Prophet told about this he taught that you can beat her hand lightly with a miswak. The 15 cm long thin stick muslims use to brush their teeth with. Before this ayat comes several other ayats that say that in case you wife is disobedient, first admonish her, than forsake her in their bed, and if that doesn`t work than the husband is allowed to beat lightly with a miswak on the hand. The beating is mentioned in a way that it is only a symbolic way of declaring that you are dissatisfied with her and that she has gone way beyond her limits. The Prophet pbuh is our example, never once did he pbuh beat his wives. I want to mention the fact that he pbuh had 11 wives. Think about his pbuh patience. When they did something he disliked, he would simply not talk to them and become quiet. Nowadays we see practising muslim men forgetting this sunnah and beating their wife so badly that she gets bruised and bleading, leaving marks on her body. That is not what Islam has taught us, that is what the culture from the time of ignorance, jahaliyah, has taught us.
Increase The Dose
Our Prophet pbuh has told us that women are like a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the upper part, i.e. the tongue. If you try to straighten a rib, it will break, but if you are gentle with it, it will blossom into something beautiful. I don`t think that there is one person that will disagree in the fact that most women can argue a lot and get out of hand. If their husband treat them with care, love and give them undivided attention, they will most probably change for the better. The problem is that most men doesn`t know about these things, or they have gone astray from the sunnah of the Prophet pbuh.
Inspire People. Dont Scare them away
We muslims have a responsibility to spread the right guidance of Islam, from our conduct. If our influence is negative on our surroundings we will have to bear the burden of our followers, because they learned it from us. Therefore it is highly important that we try to have a good and positive influence on our surroundings. The youth need good role-models and a motivating and inspiring way of learning about Islam. If you can`t inspire them than at least don`t scare them away from it either. May Allah help us help the youth by setting a good example from the sunnah of our Prophet pbuh. Ameen summa ameen.
Every boy is taught by his parents and especially the males in his life, how to treat women. If those role-models have poor character, than that would rub on of the boys/kids. This is mostly the parents fault as they are not teaching the right values to their children. It would not be far from the truth that if a kid grows up in a family, where the head of the family, is very strict, and his sisters and the mother has to do all the work home and is not treated fairly. That is what they will become when they become adults.They will think, that only their sisters, spouse, mother, daughter etc has to do all the work. That they can treat them the way they want. They will have zero respect for them and oppress them. It won`t stop them from mistreating girls at school, work, in the bus, and wherever they see them they will look down on them like they are less worth than them. Would they have liked if someone treated someone they loved like that? If they behave like that they don`t even know what love is, or what true love is.
Imagine, a kid that has grown up with the values of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), because his father and the men in his life practiced those values. How do you think that person would treat his mother, spouse, sister or daughter. Wouldn`t he just cherish them beyond means and be the best to them. Not only to respect them and help them around the house, but also protect them and have a strong feeling of gheerah towards them.
If the kids aren`t taught the right values, that would have an impact on them throughout their lives. Of course, it`s not always the parents fault either. Sometimes the parents has done a great job in raising their kids, but the influential environment they are living in, their friends and surroundings, have bad influence on them. Just to play cool and be liked by their friends, they end up mistreating the same gender of the one that gave birth to them and took care of them when they couldn`t do anything by themselves.
In respect of how our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) taught men to treat the women in their lives, there are several lessons to learn. For instance, the prayer of your mother (father) is near to Allah and answered. If you are good to them, they will pray for your good. If you are mean to them, no matter how much they try to control of themselves, Allah can listen even their supplications in their hearts. So if you shouldn`t mistreat your mother, than you are also in respect of the gender never mistreat any other girl/woman also. Remember that the prayer of the oppressed is near to Allah. If you oppress someone their prayer could ruin your life or worst of all, your akhirah (Hereafter).
There is an hadith where the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) says that if parents/brothers have three of four daughters/sisters and they are good to them, and teach them Islam and they practice it, Jannah will be theirs. A girl/woman is a rahma to the family. They have soft hearts and are more gentle in mind and have more EQ (emotional intelligence) than men. Think if men had the responsibility of raising the children. It is the nurturing of a woman who raise children that becomes good people and a treasure to the society they live in. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) visits the house, where there is born a girl. That is truly a blessing.
Another thing is that men may have protective gheerah towards their own woman, but soon as they see another girl/woman, They would say bad things about her and treat her like trash. Isn`t she someone`s sister, spouse, mother daughter? Would you want some people to do the same to the women in your life? I reckon your answer is no. Therefore always know that you should love for your brother what you love for yourself. Just like you have a right to live happy, married and blessed, so does your brother. If you want to have all the great things that life has to offer. So does your brother 🙂 If you put obstacles in your brothers way, than you should be scared of the punishment for that from Allah. No one deserves oppression. Not even Pharaoh, to give an extreme example. Allah is just, and will give patience and victory to the oppressed.
If you are feeling sad because your brother has been given a blessing, then be patient and happy for him. He may have struggled his buts of for it for years. Instead of putting obstacles in his way, be happy for him and pray that Allah grants him more. A part of that supplication is for yourself, as an angel by your side will say: ” and may you have something similar”. Be patient. When your time will come, Allah will grant you abundance. Allah is great, and has so many blessings to offer. As a saying says, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just because there is one fish less, doesn`t mean we are out of fish 😉 Be happy for each other instead of putting each other down. Remember, if you support your brother in his times of need, Allah will support you, in your times of need. Because as you reap you shall get. 🙂
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