“Life-partners should have a faithfulness towards each other that no one can challenge. Whether male or female, or a member of the family, or a person at the work, or at the mosque. In the world outside people will say and do all sorts of things of all sorts of motives; often they try to upset a happy marriage for no other reason than that it is happy – this being a form of destructive jealousy. If you know your partner fully, and know their character, then you should be able to trust implicitly that he/she would not behave in a manner that would let you down, and that if they are accused of having done this, then the accusation is false”. – A good muslim Marriage.
Marriage is not about keeping score, if you hurt me 10 times, I will hurt you 11 times, just to keep the scores right, and get back at you. If you try to get back at your spouse when they are in any way un-kind, than you have missed the point of what marriage really is. It is Allah that is keeping the score. When you are nice to your spouse, it is not your spouse that will give you the reward for that, even he /she might be better towards you. The reward will come from Allah. Even when he /she is acting impossible. If you have sabr, Allah helps and give reward. If it was all about keeping account, than that wouldn`t be called love, but just a silly game.
Marriage is also security, for both. Even if your spouse has in any way been un-kind to you, you don`t use that as an excuse to flirt with others or try to look for other “opportunities”. When you marry someone you commit yourself 100 % to that person only and no one else. No matter what obstacle comes in you way, you will strive together. I think I am talking for the husband and wife when I say that both want this security, and trust. If you don`t have a solid foundation of trust in your commitment, the building will eventually collapse.
Another thing that is quite common is that spouses correct each other in front of other people. That is a big crime, and should be avoided. We know we`re not perfect, no one is. But when you bring out your spouse faults in front of others, that person loses his face in front of others. If you need to correct your spouse do it in private, when you get the chance. That is also the only way you will see any change. Of course, it should not be left unsaid that you are doing it for unselfish reasons and not because you want to bring him/her down. Be polite and to the point without any personal agendas.
Your wife needs to know that he/she can count on you. That even if you are pissed off about something, you won`t misbehave when he/she is not around. You would try to find the best solutions to solve your differences in an Islamic manner.
Let past be past. Don`t ask questions about it. Know that if he/she didn`t love you or choose you for marriage, you wouldn`t be together now. So be confident, that he/she chose you because he/she found something in you.
Both the husband and wife should have enough self-respect that they don`t take crap. If your spouse is behaving unreasonable without any logic reason, make him/her calm, or leave the situation, if you need to calm yourself down, so that you don`t say anything you would regret later. Misunderstandings are inevitable. How you manage them, is what makes your marriage good.
“No husband or wife is perfect, but when a husband shows love and thought for his wife, and act in accordance with the principles of Islam, he will surely earn not only her love and respect, but that of Allah Himself”. – A Muslim Marriage Guide.