Dowry is very common in India/Pakistan and is some of the reasons why people hate that they will get a baby-girl instead of a baby-boy. Because some day they will have to pay to get her married. Is someone buying her? NO, so why this tradition? We listen to the news that the family of men have long lists that they need a car and electronic devices and so many things that the brides family have difficulties having enough money to pay this. If this is the case of one girl, think if someone has a lot of sisters, what will happen to them. What future are they bringing the girl into? That one day someone is going to put a price on them, if you can’t give …. than the groom won`t marry her. This is so un-ethical. Doesn`t anyone who has a sister, think that she is also one day going to get married, are you guys going to sell her to someone? I believe not all the people think like that, but then again if this wasn`t a big issue in India / Pakistan why does people hate that they are having a baby-girl and take abortion some people goes to this extent that they sell their child, because they don`t have enough money to raise the child.
The bride has a right to receiving dowry from her husband which is written on their wedding day, even so their own families doesn`t let her use her right. For instance I`ve heard about families where the bride is asking for permission to take talaq as she can be given that, but her family doesn`t let her. Or even that her dowry which she is supposed to decide herself, she is not given that right at all. Although I agree that money is not everything and the fact that the dowry of the woman is much or little doesn`t make any big difference as long as she is happy with her husband. And of course at the time our sahabah lived the dowry between a bride and the groom was put to achieving more knowledge about Islam. That is so beautiful and inspiring.
Though what I do not like is that some people try to oppress women just because they don`t have “loud voice” and that is totally unacceptable. Women should not be forced or pressured by their family to make certain choices. In Islam women has the right just like men to say no to marriage, though we don`t give the women her right, and decide for her, thinking that she doesn`t know better. We can`t lock women inside her home forever. She has the right to get as much education she wants, and that right is given from our Prophet (pbuh). She is an individual and should be given the right to make her own choices. We should try to lessen her difficulties and let her journey be without hurdles. We woman can`t fight for our rights without the cooperation from the men in our family`s because they are the one whom oppress woman mostly and not the other way around. We should try our out most to live up to the values our Prophet has made. Just read his books about his seerah / hadees and understand how beautiful character he has and how well he maintained his relation to his wifes and other ties of kinship.
The issues of todays upbringing is that the family’s give their children different rights depending on their gender. They “tie up” their daughters and doesn`t let them go out and they let their sons live without boundaries and do anything. BOTH IS WRONG. This type of upbringing can if not avoided lead to difficulties later in their lives. Both girls and boys need to be given an upbringing with boundaries and an islamic upbringing from day one, with the seerah of our Propeth (pbuh) as our role-model, only than we will prosper.
In Norway most of the issues arises when the parents don`t give their children an islamic upbringing and that they are out earning money instead of giving their children some precious time that will teach them values they can implement in their lives. So the kids grow up become adults with all the good and the bad things that are in a society. And when the grown ups are ready for marriage the problems arises. The parents have different set of values then their children so who will they get married to? Will the children like the groom that the parents choose or the other way around.
The new generation can make a change. All we need is more knowledge about our Islam and some determination, strong will and guidance from above. InshaAllah we will make a change. Ameen summa ameen