Every hijabi girl or woman is struggling with this. How can I feel beautiful, at the same time, win the struggle of perfecting my hijab. Most men look for beauty in a woman. If both men and women were taught how and what beauty actually is, this struggle wouldn`t have been so damaging for the society/community.
Value Real Beauty In Others
Here in Norway, we see a great diversity of hijabi women and girls. Many of them has a zahiri correct hijab. And many also deviate from the whole concept, and fall into the faults of hijab that goes against it`s meaning. When women wear hijab, that attracts attention, they are not honouring it. Make-up, strong colors, camel-hump style, tight clothing, and see-through-fabric. All these matters, make them attractive to other men and boys. If we could teach our girls, what beauty is. And help them to value it in other people. We can help them in this fight. Their hijab is supposed to hide their beauty, not their beauty more prominent.
Most women doesn`t know what beauty is. They work on their looks, every day. Looking beautiful is not the same as feeling beautiful. If they knew how beautiful good values, good conduct, good character, good manners, integrity is, they would try to increase their effort in cultivating these qualities in them and their children. That is what the sunnah of Hazoor Paak pbuh, has taught us. The right hijab for a woman or girl, wouldn`t have been such a big issue, if the men, those who will become a muslim husband, were also taught, what beauty actually is. The women, adores themselves for their husband. If men would appreciate their wife, when she beautified herself for him, she would probably put more effort in it. If the dear husband, helped their wife feel beautiful, she wouldn`t look for the reassurance other places. Like when she step out of her home. When wives in general doesn`t feel beautiful and aren`t certain about their beauty, they beautify themselves. That would attract attention, to confirm what they want to hear. That they are beautiful. If there husband doesn`t help them find this. They try to find it outside home.
She Always Finds Something Negative About Herself
A right size model, beautiful, can think that she is ugly. Not because she is comparing herself to others. But she is looking for perfection in what she is seeing on the outside. I want no pimples. No fat. Right color of hair. Always wearing make-up. If anyone saw her, they would be amazed by her outer appearance. But her friends knows. She has low self-esteem and confidence. No matter how beautiful she looks, she always find something negative in it. Negative self-talk. If she would instead cut time she spends on her outside for so many hours daily, and instead spend half an hour on building her self-esteem and self-confidence regularly. She would feel beautiful. She would have a positive attitude about herself. Easily forgive. No matter how much weight she will gain, she will think good of herself. She would know her strengths and weaknesses. She would have self-insight about herself, and become self-empovering. If parents helped young girls, and build them up from the inside, no matter how people talked about their appearance, they would be confident within themselves. When people understand how to feel beautiful, they work more on those matters, because it releases positive energy. It`s no more about, I want to look good anymore. It`s about I want to do good deeds, because that makes me feel good. Real beauty is not about those who heart eyes, with their beauty, it`s about those who melt hearts with their good and decent conduct. These people change hearts. They can make a difference.
From the time a girl is young, she is looking forward to one day find a man and get married. Many girls and women want to wear hijab, but are afraid whether that will hinder them from finding a spouse, in their future. This is why it is important for the entire muslim community, in every country, to teach their boys and men, what beauty is. Help them understand the beauty of how good righteous women, can help them achieve great work for Islam, by supporting them in their way for Islam. Male find comfort in their wife, that rejuvenate them to get closer to Allah. Maybe that is why Allah said the best joy for a muslim man, is having a righteous wife. She will help him do good. Comfort him, and motivate him, to do more. In the journey of having a good relationship with her husband, every wife must understand, the necessary of the wife adoring herself for her husband. When she will put some effort in this for her marriage, it will make it easier for the husband, to lower his gaze and keep himself pure. Other women will make less fitnah for her husband, because he is being fulfilled with what he needs, from his wife. This sunnah, is often ignored by many wives. They don`t keep themselves clean in the house. Or beautify themselves only for their husband’s sake. This causes damage to their husbands, whom are really hungered when they step out every day. In the west, when men go outside for work, they can easily get attracted to other females, because of the fitnah of how they beautify themselves. Nowadays, even a muslimah without hijab and with hijab can be a fitnah for a muslim man. When the wifes hungers their husbands, and they meet these sights outside their home, I can understand, what kind of difficulty this must cause for their life. If both the wife and husband, dig in their goodwill towards each other, and starts to do the work they are needed to keep each other fulfilled, many troubles can be minimized or sorted out. And the couple and the family could enjoy a more blessed and barakah full life.
A Summarized List To Remember Always:
1. Help children boys and girls understand the beauty of good conduct, good deeds, helping hands for those less fortunate.
2. Parents build the self-esteem and confidence of their children, boys and girls.
3. Every wife, beautify yourself unconditionally for your husband only
4. Every husband, appreciate your wife unconditionally, shower on her love. When she feels beautiful, she would do more to look beautiful.
5. When every marriage is fulfilling the need of the husband and wife, they will be rejuvenated to do much more. This will help the wife fulfil her duty of hijab, and the husband to lower his gaze when he steps outside. Happy and good parents raise great children.
Protect Your Marriage = Protect Your Community
If we are able to raise children who know what beauty is, and confident about themselves, they will be a positive contributor for both muslim and non-muslim community in your country. There is a reason why some male, men and boys, stand on the corner of many places in most countries, even islamic countries. When every wife and husbands spends time on protecting their marriage, it also protect other marriages. Every man or woman, who has to step outside, and is not fulfilled from the home, will easier fall into fitnah. It doesn`t have to be a affair. It can be media, pictures, programmes etc. These people can cause trouble for other marriages. That is why every married ummati, must fulfil their duties upon their spouse, and not only talk about what rights they have. Ya Allah, protect every marriage, for every ummati til the end of time. Help every spouse fulfil their duties towards their spouse and children. Help us understand what beauty is. How to cultivate the beauty of character in ourself, and our family. Help us correct our shortcomings. Aamen summa aamen.
Picture courtesy : the muslim show.