life, thinker, mirror, bonde, dronning, queenTo be able to live a happy life, it is very important for every person to have a good amount of self-esteem within themselves. You have to work with yourself to have a positive balance within you. Whether your male or female. We cannot rely on the sources outside. Others can`t or won`t always cheer us up. We need to nurture our confidence so that it can grow. Of course it gives you a boost that other people think positive thoughts about you. But it won`t last if we don`t feel the same way about ourself. Another point is that people whom have low self-esteem don`t always validate or believe other people`s praise about them. They`re simply to low to feel that there is any good in them.

 

Make a list of achievements on a daily basis

The best way to deal with low self-esteem is to keep a diary of your achievements with you through the whole day. Here you can write three things you have achieved per day, and your mood, by the side of it. For example, today I managed to get an A on the x exam. It made me feel intelligent and I know i earned it because of my hard work the weeks before it. Mood : Smart/Happy/Intelligent/Diligent, etc. By doing this you will slowly start to rebuild confidence.

 

To much ain`t good either

Just like it isn`t good to have low self-esteem, it isn`t seen as a good thing to be over-confident either. We need to be balanced and be in touch with reality.  I know I have done this before, but that doesn`t mean that I will be able to do this. No one likes bragging over-confident people. What attracts others is humility and people whom have their feet planted on the ground. By knowing your potential and the fact that we can all err at sometime, you will be in touch with the real you. We must not blind our vision by always thinking positive, but we must also know the reality, and whether a goal is achievable or not.

 

There is always room for improvement

If you have low self-esteem it is important that you keep writing three positive achievements a day, for about three to five months. After that you can try to come with suggestions on how you can improve yourself. Like for instance, one suggestion a day about how you can improve a certain conduct in yourself. It is very important that you don`t start with this before you have build your self-esteem to a certain extent that you don`t end up with a negative balance. It`s about being positive but at the same time having the insight that there are certain  things I can do better. There is always room for improvement. No one is perfect. Knowing this and keeping it in mind, whenever we fail, would help us to dust of the negativity and at the same time we give ourself chances to improve, with suggestions like, next time I`ll meet that situation like this or that.

 

You can`t stop setbacks, only how you deal with them

The most important thing is that we will have setbacks and things that happen in our lives that can be totally negative a day/week/month. The best thing is that on these rainy days you take out your diary and read the achievements you have been writing for some time. That would boost you enough to bounce back into a positive mood. You will realize that even though I messed up today/this week/this month, I have done a lot of good things that weigh more than these “incidents”. You will find inner strength and feel less dependent on your surrounding, spouse, family to cheer you up.

 

Low self-esteem in spouse

When one of the spouses in a relationship has low self-esteem, believe me, the couple will go through some tough times, until they work on themselves. It can be very difficult to be positive and have a wonderful relationship, if one or both of the spouses is always negative. To turn this around, both should keep a diary of their achievements. If you know your spouse is dealing with this, do not critisize him/her.  Especially not in front of others, be it children, parents or siblings. Also don`t think that this is not a male-issue. This can happen to both genders. What is important is that both are mature enough to see where they lack and being willing to work on it. Sometimes it is hard to be true to your spouse, because you know he/she can be hurt about it. So instead of saying, you do this or that, say lets do this together, both of us. Realization is important, and willing to make a difference. Another thing is that even if you have a positive balance today, doesn`t mean it will always be like that. Negative things can happen at any time. We can never be safe from that. But if we ourselves are strong, we will handle them better in a way that we bounce back to our positive attitude if we have worked on it.

 

You can never be too late for this

The right time is now. You can never be too late/too old/too young. Even if you are in your teens, student, married, single, parent. Know that when you have worked on this for some time you will feel a positive change in how you think, and be able to handle the ups and the downs in your life. Keep a positive track for about 3-5 months and after that start with one thing you can improve about yourself daily. Don`t start with the improvement list to early, before you have a positive account. How much time you need can be individual. You know when your ready for it. The best way to find inner strength is to be your own best friend. Only than you are able to have healthy relationship, be it family, spouse or friends. Your self-esteem will remain and increase regardless of your surrounding. You will become more positive and believe in your own abilities. You will come to know yourself, your strenghts/weaknesses. You will become a better version of yourself. What can be better than that? Try it for a month, and see how it changes your life for the better.