Parents with children in the West are experiencing some issues on how to rebuke them to prevent them from coming in bad company. Issues like gambling, drinking, sex, one-gender-relationships, and free mixing is making the parent’s life tougher. We are all agreed on the fact that we muslims have some different values concerning these issues mentioned above. How can we as muslims prevent that our children fall into these traps. Parents are worried. The childcare organisations are on their neck to watch them whether they make one small mistake and they are so on their case for years. What can we do about this? We need to find ways of rebuking children in manner that does not collide with the West`s ideologi, but also something that works.
I know one time when I was a child, me and my friends once decided to “borrow” apples from the neighbour without them knowing it. Because of the thrill around it, not that we didn`t have it ourselves. I have done this once, and I got caught, and alhamdolillah, that made me stay away from it forever after. One of us, that was very strong, said no to going with us, told some other kids in the neighbourhood. We were caught red-handed. The parent of the owner of the tree came and rebuked us with very harsh words. No need to say, I never did that again.
The thing about parents disciplining their children is a very delicate matter in the West. Just one slap, can make them get reported to the childcare system. The worse part is that children are taught this at the school, and are really mis-using it to get their will with their parents. Not knowing that they are actually destroying their own life.
We need to prevent parents from ending up in the list of the childcare system. We can only do that by teaching them how to rebuke / discipline their children in a way that doesn`t go against the rules of the government. They need to teach them how to use incentives like carrot for good deeds and taking away some of their belongings for bad deeds. An example, you want your child to do their homework and get great grades. You say, If you show me that you manage to do well at school, I will give you XYZ in the end of the school year, or after one semester – the carrot. If you want to discipline them for coming to late one evening, without telling where they were, you can say, so now you have lost your, internet, phone, tv etc for day/week/month, depending of the seriousness of the action.
These incentives do wonders. But make sure you are not too nice or to tough. Also in this matter the middle path is best. Like good cop, bad cop. You don`t want them to run away, but you want them to obey the rules of Allah and the rules of the family.
Another thing is that sometimes things goes so out of hand, parents get enraged about something the child has done, and may slap him/her etc. The first thing the child would think of is, i will rapport it. The best thing is to avoid it. But believe me also the native Norwegians slap their kids and are not perfect parents. But we asian gets reported more easily because we have a more islamic approach towards life, and they are not that fond of Islam and our values. Who hasn`t ever slapped their child? There is a difference in one simple slap and beating them so that they become hurt. Remember that this is not the sunnah of our Prophet pbuh. He never hit or was angry at anyone ever. If you are a good muslim, and want your children to also be good, we need to implement the sunnah in our lives. Use the incentives carrot and discipline and in sha Allah, your children will be obedient and turn out well. Ameen.
Know that we are brown and wear different clothes than the natives. We stick out in a crowd no matter what we wear. We are not like them. But we also have faults. Most of us don`t know other disciplinary forms other than the desi type we have learned from back home. Un-learn them. They don`t work on children growing up in this society. It would only make them stronger in disobedience. If you keep on beating a kid over and over again, one day will come, that child we become strong enough to take your hand and say, beat again mum / dad. Or beat my as much as you want, but I`m doing as I want to. So you see that is not helping you, and it is certainly not helping the child who is your diamond of heart. If you truly love your children, and I`m sure parents can make wrong decisions but they never stop loving their children, than you would do what makes them become good and don`t become the means to chasing them in the arms of the wrong group of people.
Whereas love can move mountains, hate can misguide. So be wise. Be strict and loving. Never stop showing them or telling them that you love them. Not by buying them things. But by spending time with them. Talks and games and teaching them Islam. They are your amanah, and you will be questioned as to how you raised them. They are hungry for love. If their parents don`t give them enough, they will try to find it in the wrong places. We don`t want that to happen. We don`t want them to stray. This Ummah is one body, help each other and Allah will help you. May Allah help parents in raising their children and make every child obedient to Allah. Ameen summa ameen.