Family Economy

when someone does something wrong, rightI know economy is not the first thing that is on your mind after marriage. But often it is quite important that this is sorted out, to avoid discussions between the husband and the wife after marriage. A lot of marriages break nowadays, and it`s got a lot to do with quarrels about money.

It`s quite common that both of the spouses share the expenses of the house. Even though the wife is not obliged to do so by Allah. In fact she can use her money wherever she wants and the husband has to pay the family`s bills and give her enough money for expenditure, which is normal in the society she lives in. Of course when only one of the husband work, he might have to have more than one job to manage. I have heard a lot of women whom gets bored by being home with the kids all the time, and after a few years want to earn their own money. Often they`re bored by doing the same chores and wants to earn enough for their lifestyle. Sometimes it could also be that she wants to help her husband with the bills, just so that she can ease some of his worries.

If one decides to marry back home and bring the spouse to the west, there could be some hurdles in the way. One of them is economy. Often if the spouse that came from back home, has a family there, they want to help them out with the expenses and start sending money to them. This can go both wrong and right. I have seen that when a desi family sees money coming, the demands often increase, and then the issues and quarrels about money starts. The spouse brought up in the west thinks that the desi spouse is sending too much money back home and therefore their own needs and the needs of their children are not met. A lot of quarrels and sometimes, divorce.

I don`t understand how a desi spouse would want to build up their family ties back home, and wreck their own family. Who should they be more committed to? Their children and their spouse or their family back home, that don`t have to work because they are receiving gifts from the desi spouse.

Sometimes it goes so wrong, that the desi spouse start sending money, without telling their spouse about it, so their money starts to decrease, without the other spouse knowing where they are spent. And from there on the quarreling about the money starts, and often it doesn`t end well.

Sometimes the desi spouse, is looking for allies to prove his/her innocence and therefore twist the real picture after their opinion and starts saying bad things about their spouse to other people. Often the childcare organisations gets involved and the children gets lost. The desi parent use their own children as shield and messes with their mind against their other parent. The children not having enough understanding of the situation gets confused as to how behave and what to do and not do.

So you see economy in a family should be sorted out before marriage, to avoid such circumstances.

May Allah help us help others. Ameen.

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