It is good to see that the community has seen the value of educating people before they get married to make sure that they are familiar to their responsibilities and their rights. Alhamdolillah. That is a great start. I feel that we need dig a bit deeper into the issue of marriage. To get a better result we must start earlier. First of all. Most of parents are not aware of the rights their children have to choose their own spouse, and mostly the relatives put many roadblocks in their way, if they don`t want two people to join in marriage. To give back the two individuals right to marriage, we must also educate their parents and their relatives, meaning the elders. Mostly whom has a twisted interpretations of Islam, and therefore also the practice.
The Struggle Is Real
If the mosque could have dars for parents that have children who are in their teens, it would help them understand, what kind of struggle teens have. We need to help parents understand that it is not easy for them to live here in the west and still stay pure. Parents can use the life of Sahaba to educate the teens on how they lived their life and what is expected from them according to Islam. Practice what they preach. Sadly most parents spend their time on matters that are pretty un-islamic. Teens learn love from the media, bollywood, hollywood and dramas, and think that they portray the right kind of love. WHen in fact they are not even near it. If the teens are taught about love through the lives of Prophet pbuh and Sahaba raa they will be educated in what could give them a more fulfilling and lasting marriage.
Asking For Trouble
If we want to get to the root of the problem, that is the parents and the community. If they have right values and live and act according to Islam, they will teach the same values to their children, through their life. Not just what they say or what image they have in their community. In most families the relatives wants to have a say when two families are thinking of marriage for their children. The chacha of fla fla is against it. Or the khallla of fla fla feels the same. Parents are also pressurized from the community and don`t know what to do. When in fact it is not the whole community that decides this. The people who want to get married doesn`t have a right to choose their spouse freely. When they meet so many roadblocks on the way. The elders are asking for trouble. Not only are they making it difficult for the ones that want to get married, to live a pure life, they are also increasing fitna by not accepting the good spouse that asking for their child in marriage. And most of all, I don`t understand how the alims or the mosque can close their eyes to this. Do they not know? Or maybe they agree to it. The culture is given precedence over religion. And that will make it more difficult for muslims to be true and sincere muslims.
Who Is To Blame?
It is to easy to put the blame on the spouses when a marriage fails. It is the fault of the community and their parents. What values they taught them from they were children and if they helped them follow Islam from them leading by example. It is the communities fault that they have not educated the parents. It is the parents fault that they have not taught the spouses their rights and obligations. When culture is more important than religion, we will have more trouble. We must get back to Islam not only by speech. That is where we will find blessings and everlasting happiness.