You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Upbringing’ tag.
Dowry is very common in India/Pakistan and is some of the reasons why people hate that they will get a baby-girl instead of a baby-boy. Because some day they will have to pay to get her married. Is someone buying her? NO, so why this tradition? We listen to the news that the family of men have long lists that they need a car and electronic devices and so many things that the brides family have difficulties having enough money to pay this. If this is the case of one girl, think if someone has a lot of sisters, what will happen to them. What future are they bringing the girl into? That one day someone is going to put a price on them, if you can’t give …. than the groom won`t marry her. This is so un-ethical. Doesn`t anyone who has a sister, think that she is also one day going to get married, are you guys going to sell her to someone? I believe not all the people think like that, but then again if this wasn`t a big issue in India / Pakistan why does people hate that they are having a baby-girl and take abortion some people goes to this extent that they sell their child, because they don`t have enough money to raise the child.
The bride has a right to receiving dowry from her husband which is written on their wedding day, even so their own families doesn`t let her use her right. For instance I`ve heard about families where the bride is asking for permission to take talaq as she can be given that, but her family doesn`t let her. Or even that her dowry which she is supposed to decide herself, she is not given that right at all. Although I agree that money is not everything and the fact that the dowry of the woman is much or little doesn`t make any big difference as long as she is happy with her husband. And of course at the time our sahabah lived the dowry between a bride and the groom was put to achieving more knowledge about Islam. That is so beautiful and inspiring.
Though what I do not like is that some people try to oppress women just because they don`t have “loud voice” and that is totally unacceptable. Women should not be forced or pressured by their family to make certain choices. In Islam women has the right just like men to say no to marriage, though we don`t give the women her right, and decide for her, thinking that she doesn`t know better. We can`t lock women inside her home forever. She has the right to get as much education she wants, and that right is given from our Prophet (pbuh). She is an individual and should be given the right to make her own choices. We should try to lessen her difficulties and let her journey be without hurdles. We woman can`t fight for our rights without the cooperation from the men in our family`s because they are the one whom oppress woman mostly and not the other way around. We should try our out most to live up to the values our Prophet has made. Just read his books about his seerah / hadees and understand how beautiful character he has and how well he maintained his relation to his wifes and other ties of kinship.
The issues of todays upbringing is that the family’s give their children different rights depending on their gender. They “tie up” their daughters and doesn`t let them go out and they let their sons live without boundaries and do anything. BOTH IS WRONG. This type of upbringing can if not avoided lead to difficulties later in their lives. Both girls and boys need to be given an upbringing with boundaries and an islamic upbringing from day one, with the seerah of our Propeth (pbuh) as our role-model, only than we will prosper.
In Norway most of the issues arises when the parents don`t give their children an islamic upbringing and that they are out earning money instead of giving their children some precious time that will teach them values they can implement in their lives. So the kids grow up become adults with all the good and the bad things that are in a society. And when the grown ups are ready for marriage the problems arises. The parents have different set of values then their children so who will they get married to? Will the children like the groom that the parents choose or the other way around.
The new generation can make a change. All we need is more knowledge about our Islam and some determination, strong will and guidance from above. InshaAllah we will make a change. Ameen summa ameen
Whenever we hear about kids or adults that are doing things or behaving in a way that makes us ashamed of them or we would hope that they straighten up, I think there can be several things that has made them like that. For instance, how many of the parents around the world, or let we speak about Norway, has given the children an islamic upbringing as well as letting them go to school. I guess most of the parents haven`t given their children enough time or the right values or given them enough knowledge about Islam. This is why sometimes kids or adults, because they don`t know better, do foolish things that makes everyone else ashamed of them. They put us muslims in a bad light. The only reason behind is that we don`t follow Islam as we should, that is why this is happening. If each and every person can try to look into themselves and ask themselves if they are doing enough so that our next generation is kept on the right path? Had we done enough than situations like this wouldn`t have appeared. If your parents have done this mistake, don`t be the one who does the same mistake with your own children. Give your children time and teach them the right values that come from our Prophet and Quran. Only then we can bring up children that will make us proud of them as our kids. If not another generation will get stranded.
For those people whom has stranded we need to (as much as we are capable of) to pull these people in the right direction as much as we can, before they choose the wrong path that doesn`t go to heaven. May Allah keep guiding each and every on the right path. Ameen.
I have sort of been brought up in a joint family, as my brothers got married when I was only 18. So til now I`ve had a few good experiences as well as bad experiences with it. The good experiences are that one has the elders with one, that is an easy way of achieving their blessings and all, one help each other when there is need, always someone at home. On the other hand, it could happen that one feels that one doesn`t have that much privacy, as there is always someone around. Sometimes as one grows older, one wants to do things ones own way, instead of always ask the elder if it is ok. I mean when are you old enough that you can make your own decisions? For Norwegians, according to their law it is 18, but I don`t think one is mature enough to make any good decisions at that time. Though when you are mature enough to get married, I believe everyone has the strive to do things their own way. Like for instance ones way of bringing up your child differs from the family you live in, think how difficult it would be for both of the part? As living in joint family everyone does have their say but they are not always heard. And who is right? Who decides that? How far does my responsibility go when I disagree, but although want to do the right thing? Theres no definite answer to any of these questions, and their answers differ from family to family.
One thing is for sure. Now since I have started using hijab, the whole idea of living in a house when I would have to use the hijab, whenever I am outside my room, is something that would make my life quit tougher. The fact that I don`t use make up or perfume when I go out is a thing I have started from quite a long time now. But how would I manage to take of my make up before I step out side of the room, as I only want to beautify myself for my husband only. There are so many thoughts like this in my head nowadays, about this issue. As from before, I was always for joint family’s, but nowadays I don`t know anymore. As one can always get a house nearby ones parents, and be there with them despite oneself living in ones own house, can`t one? I don`t know. All I know is that I do want to be there for my parents, as my husband to be`s parents as well as I want to do things my own way and have my privacy. I will Insha Allah let you know when I find a solution to this:)
One doesn`t need to have kids oneself to see the amount of pressure which they are put through nowadays. Different kinds of channels have different kinds of programs, that most of the kids would do anything to watch almost all day if they could. The thing is that kids are really pressurized a lot, nowadays maybe lots more than before. Even though I remember the pressure from when I grew up as well. Though talking about today kids have to buy certain clothes and certain shoes to fit in their friends click. A lot of the kids measure the others in what brand they are wearing. It does matter which part of the town your kid’s school is placed. Mostly I would say it depends on how their parents look at this issue and what kind of values they inject in their children. Although the type of friends they have also makes a difference. Because of the media I would say kids are under a lot of pressure to fit in and get the “right” friends to get popular.
This make me think about those ones whose parents maybe can`t afford every expensive thing they have on their list and maybe a lot of stuff that others easily buy, they can`t. I`ve thought about it sometimes that for instance if you send your kid out with an ice cream, and a lot of other kids can`t afford, hypothetically speaking, how would that make them feel? Do you think this will increase their self-confidence or not? Not only that, the other kids make fun of those kids that can`t afford it. They wave the ice cream in his/her face and says “really delicious chocolate flavour, so bad you don`t have one”. Would you say nice or cruel person? You get the picture. If kids do something like this than I hope their parents stop them. And if adults are making their kids do this than Allah please inhein hidayat ata karein. If adults have this kind of attitude towards other adults, than Allah inhein bhi hidayat ata karein. (Ameen sum ameen). This reminds me of the thought that for instance in Islam we don`t eat food in front of someone who maybe fasting, do we? Nope, that would be cruel. I would say this goes in a sort thinking that you don`t want the other to feel bad about fasting.
In Pakistan where there`s a big class difference, much more than here in Norway. The schools solve that in a different manner. They have uniforms for the kids. Though I`m not that sure if it works, cause kids can still have expensive accessorize. I believe a lot parents that are familiar with this group pressure, really take time before they decide which school their kid should enrol in. And I`m sure I`m going to emphasize that when I will be a parent myself one day. Allah sab ke haq me behtar faisla karein. Ameen sum ameen.
I`ve seen it everywhere in every house, ke bachon ke saath zabardasti bohot hoti hain. Like since they are children they have to listen to their parents and most of the time they have to stop doing something or do something even if they want to do it or don`t want to do it. What I`ve learned the few years I`ve been living 
is that bachein ko eek baat ki advantage and disadvantage bata di jaye to it will be easier for them to follow their parents. Like for instance if ek bacha namaz nahi partha tou usein samjanein ka tariqa yeh nahi hoga ke you force him to read it. He might do it that day, but if you’re not there another day, he wouldn`t read the namaz. What one could do is to explain it to him the advantages like, we should be thankful to Allah for everything we have achieved and for living such a blessed life. To show our gratitude towards Allah we read namaz, and if we aren`t thankful enough than Allah can one day take it away or give us any imtihaan to pass. Uskein samajh mein agar yeh baat agayi to he will probably start reading namaz at once.
I remember a few years back when I was at the mela in Oslo enjoying it with my baji. We had lots of fun listening to music and drinking garam chai and eating garam garam jalebi:) There we met a friend of my baji`s. She had a little son joh khel raha tha udar. There were so many people there and her son was going idhar se udhar, must have been at least five meters away from hers. I was quite scared, udhar bachein gum bhi ho jatein hain na But she was watching her son and was quite confident. When I discussed this with my sister I was wondering how she could do that, I mean if it would have been my kid I`d maybe never ever let go of his hand. But phir meri baji ne mujhe samjaya ke she was doing correct. And I was like what?? She meant that kids should be given the smallest amount of freedom when they are kids. Like for instance that they eat themselves, put on their own clothes and tie their own shoes. Small things maybe you think, but no, it means a lot for the confidence level of that kid later on when he/she will become an adult.
I know that we Asians are very overprotective of our kids and sort of spoil them in a way, doing everything for them. The mothers I mean:) So the point is lean back sometime and let them make their own decision with your supervision, of course. Let them stand on their own feet. Let them build up their confidence level so that they won`t have any difficulty later in their life to make any decision. This is a must for every person in the world. On day or the other they will be on their own, and if they lack self-confidence, that could lead them to make some wrong decisions. People can misguide them, anything can happen. Give your children ache borein ki pehchan and most of all give them guidance so that they can make their own decisions asking themselves and not anyone else. After all, it is themselves who`m mostly know what is good for them and what is bad. Agar woh khud ko pehchantein hain tou woh apne liye acha faisla karein ghe, as long as they have that little self-confidence in themselves:) Just a thought:)
