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To marry more than one woman is a muslims right as long as it is allowed in the country they live in and the husband can be just between the wives. I was reading a book about Islam when I came over a reason for our Prophet to marry more than once, which i want to share with you. The book says : “It was necessary for the Prophet (PBUH)should neutralize the enmity of as many people as possible through marriages with women of other tribes. It was the practice among Arabs that the tribe should defend the husbands of their women”.
If we look at this today, being married to more than one doesn`t stop the war between families, it rather fuels it up. So why bother? Hazoor Paak had troubles and worries trying to be fair between his wifes, and He IS perfect. How can anyone else say that they can be fair between several wives. It`s just not possible.
In Islam friendships between women and men are not allowed. As far as they aren`t brother and sister. Living in an un-islamic country, it is quite difficult to not see anyone whom is with someone, even in Pakistan it isn`t seen as a big deal. All I have to say is that when I am going to get married, what I put highest is the degree of trust in the relationship. If my hubby to be would have friendships with other girls, than I would never approve it. And I know that any girl having some sence in her mind, being in the same position would say the same. Lets think together for a while. Does any of you think that your hubby would approve his wife to have friendship with another man, whom has a crush on her? Yes as you all can understand, he wouldn`t approve that at all. So why should it be different for men than women? This is not fair. This is something we need to think about, and act accordingly to what is right.
To other post about the same phenomena:
Girls and guys friendship
Womens right in marriage
Commitment for marriage
One of my memorable peptalks
Guy meets girl or girl meets guy, after commitment?
At the time jab Quran nazil hoa tha, people didn’t marry just one girl but had a bunch of girls without any order or law to it. And the girls didn’t have many rights if their man left them. They didn’t even had to marry them, just about like slavery they had to be with the guy who liked them or chose them. When islam came it gave women and men right to say no to a marriage and took care of them. Men were only allowed to marry four times, compared to before when they could have had a dozen of women. So of course that made the women’s right better. Also put in the time when this law came their were a lot of women where their men had died in the battlefield so marrying more than one women would help the whole family who had lost their father, hubby. So I can understand why it was like this when the ayat nazil hoi thi.
Though if we think about more than one marriage today, I would say no way. A big NO from me. A man can`t get enough love with one woman? How sick is that… Living in Norway where it isn`t even allowed to have more than one woman, people tend to have a woman in their homeland. Totally nut cases if you ask me. If my husband was to marry again after marrying me I would divorce him and marry myself with another who would keep his promises being faithful to me only. If he can`t be faithful then why should I? I would say every woman deserves a husband that is faithful to her and keeps promises he has made to her. I believe that when you marry someone you commit yourself 100% to only that person. In my view marrying more than once will be breake that commitment. So why stay with a person who can`t keep what he promises.
I remember one pep talk that I had with my bro, a few years ago, which I would like to share with you:) I remember at that time, something that is more common these days, we talked about having a boyfriend. Yeah, like any person I noticed that people around me was getting into this whole boyfriend type of thing and I wanted to talk with my bro about it, what he thought about it. It was common at that time and even more common these days that people have been into a relationship and maybe several before they get married. What I remember he told me is something that made a great impact on me. He said that persons that have been with someone before they get married, will always live their life comparing the one before with the one after, and always be in the thinking of “what if”. What if i didn`t, or what if i did. They will have more difficulties being happy with what they have, because they will always compare the one they have with the one before. You all know that like there is something great about someone, there will always be something that annoys you about the same someone. If you don`t have anyone to compare with, I would say you would always be more satisfied, and be without all those “what if`s”. Another thing that I talked about with a friend of mine, when we were talking about finding Mr right:) Is that I don`t think any person in this world will have difficulties to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. It`s not that there aren`t people out there! The thing is to find the person that is right for you, and that person whom you would like to live with for a lifetime and even eternity. That`s the toughest part:)
To sum it up I would say, wait for Mr Right and don`t jump from one to another in hope of finding love. Most of the times you won`t get anywhere with that lifestyle.
I know that this phenomena is very common these days, and is not even seen as a bad thing by parents nowadays. Though I must say that I`m totally against the fact that girls mix freely with guys and vice versa. I don`t want to know what`s common or what`s cool to do. All I want to know and what I want to do is the right thing. This is not ok for me. I would never approve that my hubby, when I get married that is, would have a girl as a friend. I don`t want to know the utts and buts, all I want to say is that it`s not ok with me. And that person who`m respects me and loves me would always keep that in mind whenever he has to interact with a girl, whoever she might be.
Living in Norway and working in an office, it`s impossible to say; You can`t talk to anyone but me. I know that is not the issue. We have to interact normally at work and of course in a public arena. I draw the line for my hubby to be, to have any other girls as friends. Mostly guys don`t see this as an issue, cause they don`t even share everything with their beloved, but from those that I know, this does make a big difference. I remember one time when I was going to the university, I was talking to a friend that worked at a shop their. Later I found out that she was the wife of my brothers friend. As I got to know here I remember I talked quite freely with her as she was my big sis. We were talking about marriage and people, especially guys having a past. What she said that day made a great impact on me. She said that I wish I could erase my husbands past. He had been into these kinds of friendships before, and she said that just knowing that he once was with someone else really hurt her. Although he was really nice and a great husband, she wished that she could erase his past. Thinking about that thing today, I would agree with her if I would be in such a situation.
For all you people out there I would only say one thing; for Gods sake don`t play around. Keep yourself busy with your parhai or your work, and when it`s time to get married, get married and nibhana it. And when you do get married, surely I hope you know what a sacred bond it is before you get into that, and that you will be faithful, caring and respectful towards your soul mate. Allah sab ke haq me behtar faisla karein.. Ameen sum Ameen.
Last year when I was in Saudi Arab with my parents, I remember one incident which I would like to share with you:) I was sitting in Masjidein Harram (Makkah sharif). There they have made nice places for women and children only. I was sitting there reciting from the paanj surah, when a little kid came along wearing a little jubbah like arabic do. He must have a been about 5 years old, I think. Aramse akein ek Quran pakar kein aram se beth gaya not that far away from me and starting reciting the Quran. Such beautiful recitation, I was totally amazed. Udhar sab aurtein joh bethi hoi thi became quiet and started listening to him. A few of them recorded his voice also. There all of us sat for the while he recited. Since he wasn`t sitting that far away from me one woman asked if it was my child:) I was like no no, not mine.. But so lucky his parents are, I thought in my mind. When he finished the recitation all of the women gave him lots of duas for the wonderful recitation. In such a young age, we all were speechless. You should have seen the smile on his face:) He was so happy when he went to his mum. I thought ke me uske mum ko kehti hon ke how lucky you are that have him. So that she can be even more proud of her son:) But then I lost track of where he went. You see, there are a lot of kids wearing a jubbah there, so they all look kind of alike 
Sitting there I was thinking ke Inshallah when I one day will get children that they will be like him. That after marriage, me and my hubby will do our best to give our children the best guidance so that they can become a wonderful muslim and human being as well.. Ameen summa ameen
