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Dowry is very common in India/Pakistan and is some of the reasons why people hate that they will get a baby-girl instead of a baby-boy. Because some day they will have to pay to get her married. Is someone buying her? NO, so why this tradition? We listen to the news that the family of men have long lists that they need a car and electronic devices and so many things that the brides family have difficulties having enough money to pay this. If this is the case of one girl, think if someone has a lot of sisters, what will happen to them. What future are they bringing the girl into? That one day someone is going to put a price on them, if you can’t give …. than the groom won`t marry her. This is so un-ethical. Doesn`t anyone who has a sister, think that she is also one day going to get married, are you guys going to sell her to someone? I believe not all the people think like that, but then again if this wasn`t a big issue in India / Pakistan why does people hate that they are having a baby-girl and take abortion some people goes to this extent that they sell their child, because they don`t have enough money to raise the child.
The bride has a right to receiving dowry from her husband which is written on their wedding day, even so their own families doesn`t let her use her right. For instance I`ve heard about families where the bride is asking for permission to take talaq as she can be given that, but her family doesn`t let her. Or even that her dowry which she is supposed to decide herself, she is not given that right at all. Although I agree that money is not everything and the fact that the dowry of the woman is much or little doesn`t make any big difference as long as she is happy with her husband. And of course at the time our sahabah lived the dowry between a bride and the groom was put to achieving more knowledge about Islam. That is so beautiful and inspiring.
Though what I do not like is that some people try to oppress women just because they don`t have “loud voice” and that is totally unacceptable. Women should not be forced or pressured by their family to make certain choices. In Islam women has the right just like men to say no to marriage, though we don`t give the women her right, and decide for her, thinking that she doesn`t know better. We can`t lock women inside her home forever. She has the right to get as much education she wants, and that right is given from our Prophet (pbuh). She is an individual and should be given the right to make her own choices. We should try to lessen her difficulties and let her journey be without hurdles. We woman can`t fight for our rights without the cooperation from the men in our family`s because they are the one whom oppress woman mostly and not the other way around. We should try our out most to live up to the values our Prophet has made. Just read his books about his seerah / hadees and understand how beautiful character he has and how well he maintained his relation to his wifes and other ties of kinship.
The issues of todays upbringing is that the family’s give their children different rights depending on their gender. They “tie up” their daughters and doesn`t let them go out and they let their sons live without boundaries and do anything. BOTH IS WRONG. This type of upbringing can if not avoided lead to difficulties later in their lives. Both girls and boys need to be given an upbringing with boundaries and an islamic upbringing from day one, with the seerah of our Propeth (pbuh) as our role-model, only than we will prosper.
In Norway most of the issues arises when the parents don`t give their children an islamic upbringing and that they are out earning money instead of giving their children some precious time that will teach them values they can implement in their lives. So the kids grow up become adults with all the good and the bad things that are in a society. And when the grown ups are ready for marriage the problems arises. The parents have different set of values then their children so who will they get married to? Will the children like the groom that the parents choose or the other way around.
The new generation can make a change. All we need is more knowledge about our Islam and some determination, strong will and guidance from above. InshaAllah we will make a change. Ameen summa ameen
Before I went more frequently to the Mosque than what I do nowadays. There are a few reasons for that. For the first I think that it`s the Masjid`s people responsibility to take care of the new people who come and encourage them to come on different days they celebrate. Though what I`ve experiences is that some people treat you really bad when you are there and tries to tumko neecha dikhana. I went to a program at the sunni mosque and there all the people were talking so loudly that I couldn`t hear the program. There was no respect to the people having a program. Instead of the Masjid being a place where one comes closer to ones spirituality people use it for different things. Some rishtey are made through those places, don`t want to talk how, but I`ve heard about som aunties that work for it and the people who are there talk more about their private things instead of listening to the speech of the Maulvi or the naat-reader. So I`m quite fed up and don`t have enough encouragement to go back on another program. What can I do to change this? I`m voicing my opinion so the people at least are aware over the circumstances.
Why do we go to the Mosque/Masjid? To come closer to Allah and his Prophet (pbuh) I hope and not for other selfish reasons. What I`ve experience make me not want to go back. I remember when I was on Umrah in Saudi Arabia. Now that was a different experience. I felt I come so much closer to Allah. The salat were recited so slowly that one could think of the interpretion that one knew while they were reciting it. Simply wonderful. Nowadays because of the pressure from the other muslims the namaz or especially the taraweeh is read so fast that one has difficulties following it. I felt that the people who came to Makkah sharif or Madeena sharif they came to pray not talk. I saw people praying all over the place and it really increased my imaan. Listening to the azan and praying with all the other, I felt unity and that we all are alike in front of our Lord. Even the higher class and the middle class and the poor were on the same row. I remember there was a woman there that hadn`t that clean clothes though when she prayed prayer after the salat she was so close to Allah that I got really amazed. Though no-one was giving her their seat to sit, she found a place in-between me and the ones beside me, and I could feel like she is like a person who is more closer to Allah than a lot of people at that place. A very nice experience. I would love more of these experiences in the mosques`in Oslo Norway. Just a request 
I don`t have a lot of friends and there is a reason behind that. Which is that my experience is that mostly friends are not to be trusted. Some of them they give wrong advice and then oneself come into trouble or they might try to mislead you somehow so that they can gain something. Of course not all are like this, but I can say i haven`t been the luckiest in choosing friends. Those few friends I have i know i can trust, but i have stopped having contact with people whom i don`t know that much. Because I don’t know their real intention when they are friendly to me. Koi dosron ko ekdam parakh lete hain, for others take more time in understanding who your true friends are. I`ve had so many bad experiences that I hardly trust anyone anymore.
One should be careful whom one confides with because friends ones becoming the worst enemies, can make the biggest harm to yourself and your loved ones. So be wise:) The little circle of friends I have I know I can trust, can you say the same about your friends?
Your appearance talks for itself when you are seen at work, at home or at a gathering. Lately I have been experiencing this a lot, because I`ve started to wear a jubbah at work, which is a long dress that goes to your feet and long sleeves. You can only see my face and hands as everything else is covered. What I`ve noticed when I started to use the jubbah is that a lot of people treat me differently, from when they`ve seen me in a jubbah. I`ve experienced being laughed at, being looked down to, not being noticed, not letting me into conversations. Actually it has felt like people are walking around with so many prejudice in their mind, which they don`t even know about. People have even tried belittling me.
On the other hand there have been a few people who do wear jubbah themselves, that have really appreciated it. If I talk about myself, it feels great to wear a jubbah, and InshaAllah I am going to keep on wearing it:) It does give a sence of security and doesn`t feel that anyone is staring at you for the wrong reasons. I feel great being wrapped and not let anyone else see me. The funny thing is that I feel so much more free in a jubbah than without a jubbah. Is that strange? Maybe for some people, though for me it feels great:)
I must share to incidents that have happened:
- This is from one of the times I had started using a hijab. I was working at my office. I have three desks there so our other employes can work there as well on certain days. One of the time I was working there and one of our senior employees too at one of the other desks, a person comes in and wants some help. And instead of talking to me, who was closer than he ( he was actually sitting with his back against the door, while I was sitting with my face against the door) that person whom came to the office for some reason started explaining his issues to him instead of me.
- Today while I was giving training to a new employe, by the way wearing a hijab and a jubbah, a person comes into the office for help, and he addresses himself to her. So she listened when I actually found out what the issue was and helped him with it. It looks like I surprised him talking fluently Norwegian.
These to incidents and many more have made me thinking that people may actually walk around and think that Muslimahs don`t work in Norway, or maybe they do but don`t cover themselves up like I do. I wonder what would happen if some of our female bosses started wearing a hijab and a jubbah at work, would people look down on them? Just because of their outfit? And if they would, shouldn`t they actually rather be looking at her qualifications instead of her appearance?
And by the way in case your wondering ” the beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder”.
I have sort of been brought up in a joint family, as my brothers got married when I was only 18. So til now I`ve had a few good experiences as well as bad experiences with it. The good experiences are that one has the elders with one, that is an easy way of achieving their blessings and all, one help each other when there is need, always someone at home. On the other hand, it could happen that one feels that one doesn`t have that much privacy, as there is always someone around. Sometimes as one grows older, one wants to do things ones own way, instead of always ask the elder if it is ok. I mean when are you old enough that you can make your own decisions? For Norwegians, according to their law it is 18, but I don`t think one is mature enough to make any good decisions at that time. Though when you are mature enough to get married, I believe everyone has the strive to do things their own way. Like for instance ones way of bringing up your child differs from the family you live in, think how difficult it would be for both of the part? As living in joint family everyone does have their say but they are not always heard. And who is right? Who decides that? How far does my responsibility go when I disagree, but although want to do the right thing? Theres no definite answer to any of these questions, and their answers differ from family to family.
One thing is for sure. Now since I have started using hijab, the whole idea of living in a house when I would have to use the hijab, whenever I am outside my room, is something that would make my life quit tougher. The fact that I don`t use make up or perfume when I go out is a thing I have started from quite a long time now. But how would I manage to take of my make up before I step out side of the room, as I only want to beautify myself for my husband only. There are so many thoughts like this in my head nowadays, about this issue. As from before, I was always for joint family’s, but nowadays I don`t know anymore. As one can always get a house nearby ones parents, and be there with them despite oneself living in ones own house, can`t one? I don`t know. All I know is that I do want to be there for my parents, as my husband to be`s parents as well as I want to do things my own way and have my privacy. I will Insha Allah let you know when I find a solution to this:)
Most of the Pakistanis living in Norway did not take that much educations in the beginning when they came to this country. They were to busy putting food on the table for their kids. But gladly that has changed. Pakistanis are taking more and more education than before and even boys are not any more behind the girls in this but are equally more into taking more education. And that is of course the best thing that could ever happen to us, so that we can show that most of the Pakistanis are quite bright. Though when people talk about education some says that education says everything about a person. If you ask me than I don`t agree on that at all. What actually makes a person is the experience they have gathered throughout their life it is not the degrees they have. Why am I saying that? Come on:) Haven`t any of you ever met the parhein likhein anpar? Sorry to say so but people whom have lots of degrees and put years and years behind on the university but doesn`t know how to behave or speak to another person. Some of them can be so rude and think “if only people had so much knowledge as I have”. I know one thing if you do have a lot of knowledge about something great! Lovely! But you see, it wouldn`t do any good unless you share it with someone, instead of bragging about how much you know. Allah raazi us bandein se hoga jokein apna ilm dosron mein baanthein or woh bina garoor kien. Some sayings from Muhammad (PBUH). One should only seek as much knowledge as that will make and keep you godfearing.
Those people I adore are those who are very enlightened but still the most down-to-earth-person I have ever known. And it is not only their education that made them that enlightened it is also their experience. Their way of talking and the way they treat other people that are close to them, always wanting to help another person, showing others also how they can become succesful:) Wanting to share all their knowledge with others without any form of pride.
